Amanda in Real Life

Dead or Alive

2011-01-21T14:54:00.000-06:00

Yesterday my boyfriend had food poisoning and spent all day throwing up. Here's a string of texts we sent each other last night. I'm nothing if not a supportive girlfriend.

Mike: (5:34) I threw up again. Say kind things at my funeral.

Amanda: (5:35) You want me to lie?

M: (5:40) Of course

A: (7:02) Are you still alive?

     (7:17) I guess you're dead then. I'm sad that you died.

     (7:21) I've started working on your eulogy. It's going to be legen

     (7:25) dary

     (7:32) While I'm speaking, I'll put 20 seconds on the clock to see how many comments I can come up with

     (7:39) I'll eat buffalo wings while I do it as an homage to your love of chicken.

   (7:42) I'll get the sauceless kind from KFC because I know you don't like to be messy.

     (7:46) Plus, I need to look good because I'll be trolling for a new boyfriend and can't do that with sauce on my face.

M: (7:50) Not dead.

A: (7:51) Do you mean like undead? Because I have a plan of attack if need be.

M: (7:56) Not a zombie. Just throwing up.

A: (7:58) Huh. Well, that's anticlimactic.

In The Car

2011-01-19T23:26:00.000-06:00

I'm not a great driver under the best of scenarios. I always park far away from places so I don't have to deal with parking by other cars. I've never once in my life parallel parked. I both work and attend classes within a five mile radius of my home.

Or at least I did, until this semester. This semester I have to take an art history class on the campus that's about twenty miles from my house. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, and it's not. But for me, it's much further than I care to drive. Especially during rush hour, since my class starts at seven.

So of course, tonight, my first night at this campus, it snows. Of course. Have I mentioned that I suck at driving in the snow? In my defense, it doesn't snow here all that often. I mean, it does. But not in great quantities. I sucked it up, cleaned my car off, and got ready to drive.

While I was stopped at the light leading out of the parking lot, I realized I forgot to clean my side mirror off. I rolled my window down, brushed off the snow, and rolled my window back up.

Only I didn't. My window was/is stuck.

I had to drive home the twenty plus miles in a snowstorm with my window rolled down.

I started off on the highway, but it was too cold and windy. So I had to drive it down the regular roads. All in all, it took about an hour to get home.

My car door is now wrapped in old towels and a trash bag.

My left side is still cold.

Sigh No More

2010-12-31T10:18:00.004-06:00

I love music. Duh. This was a great year.

10. The Hold Steady- Heaven Is Whenever
9. Janelle Monae- The ArchAndroid
8. Broken Bells- Broken Bells
7. Arcade Fire- The Suburbs
6. Joshua Radin- The Rock and the Tide

5. Greg Laswell: Take A Bow- I’m not usually a huge fan of singer songwriters. I appreciate the talent, but more often than not I find them boring. Greg Laswell is the exception. His beautiful deep voice is expressive and earnest. The lyrics are sad and happy and clever. He’s absolutely fantastic live; his stage presence and commentary are awesome. If you like the genre at all, check it out. He’s the best out there.

4.Neon Trees- Habits: Catchy and fun! It’s a light album but almost guaranteed to make you dance. It has a definite 80s tinge, and they’ve clearly listened to the Killers. The lyrics are much deeper than the poppy sounds would make you think. If you like their single Animal, definitely check them out.

3. The Black Keys- Brothers: This one is a bit of a departure from the norm for them, but I love it. It’s layered and melodic, instead of gritty and raw like their previous efforts. I don’t mind a bit of polish. It’s still bluesy and soulful. I had the pleasure of seeing them in concert after winning tickets, and it was a great show.

2.The National- High Violet: I know I’ve gone on and on and on about the National, but I just really and truly love them. This was a hard decision for me deciding between this and the number one album, but ultimately, this was my second choice. Matt Berninger’s baritone voice just hits the right spot for me. Combined with their lyrics and melodies, the National is my favorite band. Moody, at times depressing, this album is great for relaxing to. It’s haunting, powerful, cathartic, and a million other great words. I’ve been a longtime fan but just got to see them in concert for the first time this year, and it did not disappoint. But then again, they never do.

I’m counting this one on a technicality. It was technically released last year, but it didn’t come out in the US until February, so I think its okay.

1. Mumford & Sons- Sigh No More: I’m not sure what I can say about this album that hasn’t already been said. It’s simply stunning, and worth every ounce of hoopla and praise they’ve been receiving. Its craftsmanship, passion, and heart are all apparent through the roaring, rollicking ups and the haunting, masterful downs. The lyrics are beyond most other music that’s out there today. They’re not just lyrics, they’re brilliant poetry. It’s mind-boggling that this is their debut album. I can’t wait to see what else this phenomenal band has in store for the future.

I Alone

2010-12-20T10:35:00.002-06:00

DISCLAIMER: This is not me judging you, or your life decisions.

Last night at my company Christmas party, I took a figurative bullet for the new guy who works there. Upon discovering he's been dating his girlfriend for two years, the older ladies all started squawking over him, asking what his plans were for the future.

I jumped in and commented on how two years wasn't that long. And it's not. Not when you're 21, and your girlfriend is 20. They're both in college. Why the pressure? They need to grow up, discover who they are, and where they want to be.

Anyway, that made all the ladies all turn their attention to me. It seems unfathomable to them that I could date the same guy for more than seven years and still not be married. Or have plans for marriage. Or even want to get married.

But really, aside from better health insurance, what does being married get me? This isn't 1965. Being married isn't my only chance at being at to make a living for myself. I don't need a man to get things done.

What does marriage even mean anymore? With the rampant divorce rate and the utterly repulsive denial of equal rights to everyone, marriage isn't something that means that much to me, especially if marriage is defined as "the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc" I'm sorry, but that just doesn't sound like something I'm dying to do.

Whenever someone changes their relationship status to engaged, people comment on their wall with things like "Welcome to the club!" or "Now you're one of us!." So, I could also join a cult and get the same sort of reception.

This is not me judging you if you're married. In fact, I think it's great that you're married. I'm happy that you've found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

I'm just tired of being judged because I haven't followed the same path.

I get the sense that a lot of people are getting married because it's what you're supposed to do, and because they don't want to be left behind all their married friends.

Why is it so unacceptable of me to be comfortable in my relationships as it is? I don't doubt our commitment to each other. I love our partnership. I don't think what we have deserves any less respect just because it hasn't been verified by the state of Missouri.

I'm not saying I won't ever get married. In fact, I probably will. I like to experience new things. But it's not the end goal for me, either. And I don't get what's so wrong with that.

You Might Say It's Self Destructive

2010-11-30T21:31:00.003-06:00

I've been having a lot of health problems recently.

I've been rundown, tired, and sick a lot. Every cold I came near, I contracted. I couldn't sleep. I slept too much. I could barely keep my eyes open in the afternoon. I had no motivation. I was bruising easily. My hair and skin were dry. The former was falling out, the latter was flaky.

Along with a few other issues I'm having, Dr. Google told me I had a thyroid problem.

Okay, I can handle that. So I went to a real doctor (because, really, have we even seen Dr. Google's credentials?) and got lots and lots of blood drawn to test.

I don't have a thyroid problem. Suck it, Google.

What I do have? Malnourishment. I'm anemic, vitamin D deficient, calcium deficient, and a bunch of other types of deficient.

Which is nothing, really. I mean, when it comes down to it, I just need to start eating.

I guess I probably don't eat enough pretty often. I forget to eat a lot. If I'm alone, it seems like too much hassle to make food. Plus, if you drink enough coffee, you hardly get hungry at all.

I have a dodgy history with food. I was bulimic as a teenager. I had issues with malnourishment even earlier, in middle school. I was anemic and had to take supplements and get blood drawn regularly, due to my crazy dieting at such a vulnerable age.

I can't eat a lot of food. Dairy and gluten make my stomach hurt. Meat grosses me out. I eat it, certainly. But I can't think about it or look at it too closely.

But I need to start eating.

To borrow from a cliche, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hate getting my blood drawn, which I apparently am supposed to start doing again.

I have a bunch of prescription strength supplements I have to take. Crazy doses, like 50,000IU caplets of Vitamin D, where the normal supplement amount is 100IU.

I'm struggling with this. I made a hamburger for lunch today, which is not my favorite, but I need protein. I used beef and veggies in dinner, too. More protein. Even with all that, I didn't even clear 1,000 calories. More than 300 of those were from my coffee and whiskey (not at the same time).

I'm also going to see a therapist. I've never had counseling before, but my first appointment is on Thursday.

I've started tracking my food again, which I had stopped doing. I'm using MyFitnessPal this time, mostly because I'm a follower.

I need to break my bad habits. I've been failing at this for more than a decade, and it needs to stop.

You're The Kind Of Girl I like

2010-11-23T23:05:00.003-06:00

I can't resist these things, I don't know why. Thanks, Avitable!

Q: How does the world see me?
A: Ridin' Solo- Jason DeRulo

Q: Will I have a happy life?
A: Shape of My Heart- Backstreet Boys

Q: What do my friends really think of me?
A: Gorgeous- Kanye West

(I swear I'm not making this up)

Q: Do people secretly lust after me?
A: Love Is An Action- The Hours

Q: How can I make myself happy?
A: Call Me What You Like- Keane

Q: What should I do with my life?
A: Pantomime- Incubus

Q: Will I ever have children?
A: Blood- Editors

Q: What is some good advice for me?
A: She Says- Howie Day

Q: How will I be remembered?
A: All In All- Lifehouse

Q: What do I think my current theme song is?
A: Steady As She Goes- The Raconteurs

Q: What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
A: Gold Soundz- Pavement

Q: What song will play at my funeral?
A: I Wanna Get You Alone- Joseph Arthur

Q: What type of men/women do I like?
A: Rocket Man- My Morning Jacket

Even As I Left Florida

2010-11-17T22:37:00.013-06:00

On Sunday, we headed out of Orlando to partake in a Florida EcoSafari. I'd always wanted to try zip-lining, and figured my birthday would be a great time to try something scary. They were booked up on my actual birthday, but Sunday seemed like a great day to try. Mike was nervous and thinking I had lost my mind wanting to do this. Until we got there, when things between us switched drastically. After climbing the first set of stairs to the first platform, Mike declared his love of heights. I, however, felt like I was going to throw up. I'm not usually scared of heights, but this was a whole new animal.

I was getting queasier and queasier.

Totally terrified. The zips themselves weren't so bad. It was the climbing the rickety looking (but I'm sure totally safe) stairs and standing on the swaying platforms that got to me.
The worst of all, though, was the horrifying "skybridges." You may notice from my death grip below, I was not liking those AT ALL. I don't like that they moved when you walked on them. I didn't like that the next person started walking on it before you were done, which made the whole thing bounce like a trampoline.
I also didn't like that pretty much every time I zipped I got turned backwards, somehow, so in this lovely video you'll see what I was doing to try to right myself (which is the completely wrong way to do it). And if you look really carefully, you'll notice where the rope knot hits me in the face when I land. Not on video is where I ran into a tree. Well, my arm anyway.

How Not To Zipline from Amanda Hall on Vimeo.

I survived it. And I didn't throw up until after I was safely in their lobby bathroom. It's my new deal: You scare me, I puke in your bathroom. It wasn't a horrible experience, because at least I can say I did it. I didn't do it gracefully, but I finished, without crying. Mike had a fantastic time, at least, and that counts as a lot for me.

After I spent the rest of the day recuperating, we met up with Avitable for dinner at the Hard Rock, where he took my meeting a blogger virginity. I've never had the opportunity to meet up with a blogger before (because for some reason, people don't vacation here often. I just can't see why not.)

Then on Monday, it was time for the reason we went to Orlando: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. There's not a lot I can say beyond that it was fantastic. If you're a fan of Harry Potter, you must go experience this. We arrived well before opening time, and the lines weren't ridiculous. It was a beautiful, sunny, warm day.
The food at the Three Broomsticks was so good, we ate there for lunch and dinner. I will say, I found Butterbeer to be horrible. I guess if you like cream soda it's good, but I couldn't choke it down. I didn't like the pumpkin juice, either. I did enjoy the beer they have specially brewed for them, though.
The attention to detail was amazing. It legitimately felt like you were walking through Hogwarts. It helped that we were early enough to avoid super long lines, and could walk through the building at our own pace. The paintings talked to you (of course) but it really looked like oil paintings were speaking.
I was particularly taken with the charm of the buildings in the Hogsmeade portion. It was bustling just like a city, too, so the only decent shots I have are just of the rooflines.
I think the Ollivander's part was not worth waiting in line for an hour for a 5 minute performance where a kid you don't know gets chosen for a wand, but we did purchase a few wands at the end. One was for Mike's sister in law, the other was for "me," but it's the wand Mike thought looked the coolest (Sirius Black's). Now I just need to figure out what the hell to do with it. I assume it will stay in it's box in a closet.

After we had thoroughly toured the area, we did the rest of Islands of Adventure, then went to the regular Universal Studios part (per the recommendation of Avitable) and had a great time with all that as well. We went back to the Harry Potter part when the sun went down, and it was just as pretty at night. Our camera didn't have a great night mode, so the pictures don't capture it very well.

And that was it! The next day we flew home. None of our flights were canceled, so I'll consider that a win.

Florida

2010-11-16T22:18:00.012-06:00

We just got home from a quick long weekend in Florida. It was my birthday on Saturday so we decided to get away for a little bit to celebrate. We chose Orlando because I've been dying to see The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

We flew in on Friday and didn't have anything to do specifically, so while driving around slightly aimlessly, we found an Ikea. I've never been to one before since we don't have one here, but I've always wanted to see it. And man, did I love it.

The next day was my birthday, so we decide to drive to the beach and have lunch at Crabby Joe's (the yellow building on the pier)

Then we went for a long walk on the beach. It was cold and windy, but beautiful (especially since the beach was deserted) (please pretend I don't look pregnant in this picture. I'm not. I just arch my back in pictures for no reason)

Since we were in the area, we decided to check out the Ponce Inlet Lighthouse. Which, while beautiful...
was a horrible thing to do. Who want to climb all these stairs on their birthday? My legs were screaming at me by the time we reached the top.
We took it easy that night and had a pleasant dinner and many dirty martinis. We walked by Wonderworks after dinner and decided to give it a shot even though I had read horrible reviews for it.
And you know what? It wasn't bad. It was definitely overpriced (and it takes a LOT for me to think something is overpriced) but it was fun. (That could maybe be the dirty martinis talking). Or at least, it was fun, until we reached the ropes course portion. I climbed to the first platform and immediately turned around and came back down. My boyfriend, however, enjoyed playing around.
Then I tried to switch memory cards in my camera because mine was full, and stuck the wrong card in it. It's wedged in there now and I have no idea how to get it out. Mike will be doing exploratory surgery on it tomorrow. So I don't have the pictures from the rest of the trip because they were taken on his camera which I assume is in his luggage somewhere, which is no with me. So hopefully I'll get them soon and be able to recap the rest of the trip (it gets way more interesting from here).

Not For Me

2010-10-05T12:57:00.002-05:00

I'm so amazed at people that blindly follow people on Twitter. Do you really want to follow just anyone? It's no fun in your stream is filled with people who are annoying. I follow people all the time because my friends are friends with them. Then I unfollow them because they are irritating, or too negative, or whatever.

Even weirder are the people that search phrases on Twitter, then follow them because a person said a certain word.

The other day when everyone on Facebook was posting that Ellen video about how gay teens are committing suicide at an alarming rate and how we need to do something about it, a friend of mine posted it saying that this is a free country, and people should have the freedom to choose to be gay. And while I appreciate the vaguely supportive sentiment, that's so wrong. You don't choose to be gay. You are gay. Or you are straight. Or you are bisexual, or you have sex with horses. Whatever. You don't choose to be gay anymore than you choose to be straight. (and if you chose to be straight, you're probably gay.)

So anywho, I made a comment about this on Twitter, and all these conservative news story Twitterers started following me. I'm not sure if they saw the word "freedom" and thought I was one of them? Or if they thought I was saying it was wrong to be gay? Which certainly wasn't what I was saying. In fact, it's the opposite of what I was saying.

I also said something a few weeks ago about how I don't care about football, and a bunch of football enthusiast tweeters started following me. The same happened when I complained about hiking.

I guess people just follow people in hopes that they'll follow them back to raise their numbers?

I don't care enough about my numbers to blindly follow whoever starts following me, or to start following someone just because they mention a word that's on my radar. That's not what Twitter is about for me. That's why I follow so few people. If you're not popping out quality tweets, I don't want you clogging up my feed.

On My List

2010-09-13T22:28:00.002-05:00

I'm blatantly stealing this idea from Avitable.

My Bucket List (I tried not to make them all travel oriented)

Move to a different country. Or at least a very different region of this one. I’d love to pack it all up and move to London. That’s my dream. Mike wants to move to Seattle or Vancouver… I guess his dream is easier to obtain. Either way, we were both born and raised here, and we need to explore more.
Spend time in a country where I don’t speak the language. We went to Paris for a day and I was SO UNCOMFORTABLE. We stuck to London and Dublin because they’re English speaking. I want to ride a gondola in Venice and the tour the south of France, or go to Russia or Brazil. Somewhere where English isn’t the most prevalent language.
See the Northern Lights in person. Something about this phenomenon has always fascinated me, but I’ve never been anywhere it’s visible.
Drive across the US. I’ve seen a fair amount of this country, but I’d love to be able to take a lot of it in at once.
Go to Mardi Gras. We tend to avoid holidays and festivities like the plague, but just once I’d love to go to a big huge party celebration. I’m uncomfortable in crowds, so this would be a test for me.
Start running, for real. I go for a jog once or twice a week, but I never really get into it. I need to establish a routine. It’s not going to get any easier to lose weight the older I get.
Get a tattoo. I know what I want, and where I want it, but I’m a chicken. I need to man up and just do it.
Try more “extreme” activities. I haven’t done anything dangerous. I’m not even scared, more apathetic. Sky Diving, Parasailing, and Zorbing are all things I’d love to try.
Learn to Sculpt. I’ve taking painting, drawing, and photography classes, but sculpture isn’t something I’ve gotten to experience very often. I’d love to really learn the skill. My mom still has a bowl I “sculpted” in Kindergarten.
See the Shins and Editors in concert. They don’t have to be together, obviously. I’ve seen all the rest of my favorite bands live (Radiohead, Death Cab, Snow Patrol, The Decemberists, The Killers, Starsailor, etc.) but I’d really like to see these two as well.
Learn the difference in wines. I know if I like a wine or not, and I can tell you if it’s dry or sweet, but that’s it. I can’t blindly taste the difference between a malbec and a cabernet, or pick up the hints of apple or Edam or whatever.

What's on your list?

Too Shy Shy

2010-08-24T16:09:00.003-05:00

So, my first day of class was today. I'm only taking one class this semester. I was supposed to be taking three, but one of them got canceled, which pushes me back to graduating a semester later than I had planned. Which sucks. So I decided to drop the other class so I could take it next semester, leaving me to focus on this one class.

Pretty much all my friends graduated in the spring, so I only vaguely knew a few people in this class. We're going to have a semester long project based on a country of our choosing. With a partner.

Then the teacher announced we were picking our own partners. In a class where I don't know anyone.

It's amazing how quickly you can revert back into being a scared 14 year old, on your first day of high school, worrying that no one wants to be your friend. The embarrassment, the racing heartbeat, the flushed cheeks.

Only, when I was 14, I wasn't this bad. I was confident. I had friends. I knew what I was doing. Why is it harder now? It's not like its a big deal. It's not embarrassing to not know someone. You just introduce yourself, and voila! You know them. We're all grownups. Well, I am. Some of my classmates are still children.

Thankfully the guy in front of me didn't have a partner, either. The cute, well dressed, funny guy in front me.

I was starting to get psyched about this, as we discussed which country to choose. I wanted England. He wanted Russia. Or Mexico, where his partner's from. Of course.

(We chose Sweden.)

Chapter Two I Think I Fell In Love With You

2010-08-09T13:00:00.000-05:00

I used to see these photo-memes every once in awhile, but I haven't seen it in a long time so I thought I'd resurrect. Take a picture of your book pile. The books you're planning on reading, not books you stick in there to look smart. Don't take out the embarrassing ones, I sure didn't. My pile's a little bigger than normal because I went to the library today and recently raided my mother's bookcase (1-3).

1. Barbara Freethy-Don't Say A Word: Okay, it's cheesy, but I do like the occasional romantic suspense novel. In moderation. It's about a lady who tries to find where she's from and figure out her past which she can't rememberf.

2. Fern Michaels- Late Bloomer: My mom recommended this one. There's a good chance I won't actually read it. I think it's about a lady who makes amends with her childhood friends.

3. Heather Graham- The Presence: Not just romantic suspense, but supernatural romantic suspense with a Scottish Laird.

4. Guy Gavriel Kay- The Summer Tree: I've heard this is a great book from a lot of people, so I thought I should actually try it finally. For some reason I've really been into fantasy recently.

5. Jean Hegland- Into the Forest: I love a good post-apocalyptic novel.

6. Katie Williams- The Space Between Trees: A coming of age novel. Mostly I grabbed it because of the beautiful cover

7. Andrew Pyper-The Wildfire Season: This is the one I'm currently reading, I'm not sure how to describe it. It's sort of a thriller but really it's a downer. It's depressing me.

8. Michelle Cooper- A Brief History of Montmaray: Another YA novel, but this one's a historical novel about a fictitious kingdom and the royal family .

9. Jordan Sonnenblick- After Ever After: Yet another YA novel (I know, I know), this one about a boy whose cancer is in remission and how people interact with him.

10. Audrey Niffenegger- Her Fearful Symmetry: Her other book, The Time Traveler's Wife, is one of my all time favorites. This one didn't get the best reviews, but I figure it's worth a shot. '

*** If you're wondering what the books are sitting on, it's a step thing that came with a step aerobics DVD. I use it as a table for my books now. Because I'm classy.***

I Got The Recipe

2010-07-14T13:25:00.004-05:00

I love to cook. I love to bake. I'm basically a 50s housewife, without the husband or the house. I love trying new things, and thankfully, Mike will pretty much eat anything I put in front of him (as long as there's no blue cheese) so I always have a willing guinea pig.

Yesterday I was reading an article about Superfoods on Livestrong, and decided to try combining a few into a side dish for the pork tenderloin I had marinating. It's basically a succotash with no cream, I guess, but that doesn't sound as yummy as this dish ended up being.

It's super healthy, quick, easy, and cheap to make. I know we're all interested in those things, so I thought I'd share it with you all in case one of you wanted to try it. It will make enough for 4 generous servings, and it tasted great with the pork. I think it would be really good with fish or chicken as well. I had some of the leftovers today for lunch and I think it was even better the 2nd time around.

You'll need:
2 ears of fresh corn, de-cobbed
1 can of beans, drained (I used butter beans, but kidney or black beans would all work well- And if you use black beans I'd throw in a little chile powder too)
1 jalapeno, diced into tiny pieces (We like spicy so I used the whole thing but you could easily just use half)
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 shallot, chopped (1/2 an onion would work just as well)
2 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil

I was kind of winging it, but I'd say it cooked for a total of about 15 minutes

Heat the oil in a skillet over medium until it's just starting to go soft.

Add the bell peppers, and continue cooking for a few minutes (I like my peppers crisp, so I didn't cook for long, but if you like them soft, keep cooking for awhile), then add jalapeno.

Add the drained beans and heat until warm.

Add the corn for a minute (you don't want to cook the corn, just heat it up)

Salt and pepper to taste.

Scatterbrain

2010-06-18T08:29:00.002-05:00

So... I get to bring my own food, my own booze, and give them money for their honeymoon? AWESOME. Am I wrong to think this is really tacky? It's fine if you don't have the money for a big fancy wedding, but it seems super tacky to expect the guests to pay for everything, plus give you money on top of it.
Mike's driving my car to work today while his in the shop and during the five minute drive from the shop to my house, he managed to pick apart just about every aspect of my car (the clock's wrong, I need an oil change, there's an unexplained squeaky noise, the backseat is messy, etc). I believe that was his way of thanking me for letting him borrow my car all day.
It's hot. There are four air conditioning units at my store, and two of them are broken. My company's to cheap to fix them because, after all, two of them are working. Um, no. It's hot as hell in there. I've been wearing skirts everyday, which is weird for me, but it's a necessary breeze. I'm a little too chubby for this to work though, and my thighs are permanently stuck together.
I'm really liking SYTYCD this season, but I still don't know that I'm crazy about the new format. There are so many great dancers (Alex, Billy, Robert, Jose, Kent) and I just want to put Kent in my pocket and carry him around with me. But the all-stars distract me from the contestants, especially the female contestants (who are not bringing it yet), because I get so excited to see Twitch, Mark, Pasha, Ade and Neil again that I ignore the dancer who is actually trying to win.
Okay, I know I'll be alone in this one, but I kind of feel bad for Tony Hayward. Don't get me wrong, he's a tool. But what happened certainly isn't his fault alone, a lot of mistakes were made. The clips from the hearing (grilling) yesterday made me cringe. I think it's got to be hard to be the face of the disaster when so many are to blame.
Is it just me, or is Train's Hey Soul Sister an awful song? I mean there's a lot of music I don't like (the entire Black Eyed Peas catalog) but there's only a few I really hate. These are some of the most ridiculous lyrics I've ever heard in my life. Yet somehow, this freaking song is on the radio constantly.

Never Give You Up

2010-06-02T18:24:00.002-05:00

I think I'm going to pick and choose through the questions on that meme everyone's been doing. I don't want to answer all of them, but when one seems interesting I'll play along.

My guilty pleasure? I think I've talked about it before, but I love stuff made for teenagers. I love the TV shows , the books, the movies, all of it. I don't know why. I understand the simplicity, the overused plot lines, the poor writing, all of it. I just don't care. Something about it just really interests me. Only 28 more days until Eclipse comes out!

Speaking of Eclipse, my 6 year old nephew recently saw Twilight and thinks that Edward is the "coolest vampire ever!" This upsets his step-mother to no end. She's a hardcore goth with a major vampire fetish (yes, for real.) She loves Le Stat and wants desperately to show T Interview with the Vampire, but it's obviously not appropriate for a 6 year old. So now, whenever Mike and I are around T we bring up how great Edward is, and how super cool that baseball game they played during the thunderstorm. It's fun corrupting the mind of a child. And irritating his parents in the meantime.

Another guilty pleasure I used to have? Crappy pop music. I've moved on since my early teenage years, but tonight, my former love of shitty music served me a great purpose. One of the local concert venues had a Twitter trivia contest to win tickets to see the sold out The Black Keys concert next week. Thankfully, the question they asked was about who the first band/person to play at the venue were.

I knew the response because at the time, this band was a guilty pleasure of mine. A few years prior they were cool (to me and my friends at least) but by the time this concert rolled around they were passe. So I really wanted to go, but I couldn't let my friends know how lame I was.

The band in question? Hanson.

Hanson helped me win tickets to see the Black Keys, one of the best bands out there. It's sort of deliciously ironic.

Please Don't Take A Picture

2010-06-01T12:55:00.003-05:00

For one, I would like to point out that my orchid is still alive. I mean, I think. I haven't looked at it recently. I did water it. Last week. Once. I'm so great at taking care of things.

Like my car. I was at the grocery store this afternoon to buy a six pack and the ingredients for rice krispie treats (WHY CANT I LOSE WEIGHT?). When I got to the car, I sat in the drivers seat and moved to put the groceries in the passenger seat, when the bottom of the six pack gave out. A bottle bounced off my console and broke, sending glass and beer all over the front of my car. And me.

I was soaked, so I didn't want to get back out of the car looking like I peed my pants. I drove home covered in beer and glass, trying not to move.

It took me a while to clean up the glass and beer, and I sliced my finger open on a shard. The smell of hefeweizen has really soaked into the car. So far I've sprayed the hell out of it with frebreze and I have the windows rolled down, hoping to air it out. Let's just hope I don't get pulled over for a very long time.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a pan of rice krispie treats to eat.

UPDATE: Ugh! I went to water the freaking orchid after writing this. I guess I overwatered it, and now everything around it is soaked, including the mail and the box of rice krispies. FAIL.

Seven Years

2010-05-20T10:59:00.005-05:00

So, today is our 7 year anniversary. I stayed up really late last night watching a tv show on Netflix, like an idiot. So I woke up late today, around 10. I stumbled into the kitchen and saw a bag from Dunkin Donuts next to a flower on the kitchen table, and a note that said "COFFEE" on my microwave. I opened it to find a delicious Starbucks vanilla latte. I had just started digging into my munchkins when the phone rang.

Apparently, Mike came by with the stuff and I was still asleep. He didn't want to wake me up, so he sat in the living room for a half an hour waiting for me to wake up on my own. He started to feel creepy, so he drove to his office and called me to wake me up.

It was then that I really looked at the flower on the table. It's an orchid. In a pot. Like I'm supposed to water it and keep it alive. I have never in my life tried to have a plant before. I barely remember to feed and water myself most days.

So I've been doing research on how to care for an orchid, and apparently it's complex. Did you know an orchid can get a sunburn? It can. And you have to let it dry out for one day before you water it because it likes to be dry for a day before it's wet again. And you should avoid the center of the plant and just water around the edges. There are a lot of online orchid communities.

Any bets on how long it will be before I kill it?

One More Time

2010-05-12T15:01:00.003-05:00

I know I've been all Debbie Downer recently, which isn't the way I like to live my life. So today, I'm focusing on things that are making me happy:

They're slowly tearing down a hospital that's on my way to my college. They're actually using a wrecking ball, so the whole thing looks like something out of a disaster movie. Not only is the wreckage rad to look at, but my favorite part is the old men who gather to watch every day. They bring their lawn chairs and sit line up on the sidewalk to watch the destruction. I think it's great these guys, who probably don't even know each other, have found this common ground and camaraderie. They make me smile every time I drive past.
There's a deaf kid at my school who always parks near me. His car is covered in Daft Punk stickers. Now, he could have purchased the car used, I suppose. I like to think Daft Punk's beats appeal to everyone.
Last night's episode of Glee. The music? Great. I loved Finn's Jessie's Girl, Puck's Lady Is A Tramp and Kurt's Roses Turn. It was nice to have an episode I really enjoyed again, because it's been a little lackluster for me recently. Also:

-"I'm a sex shark. I stop moving, I die"

-"That's the problem with your generation... you're obsessed with labels. So you like show tunes. That doesn't mean you're gay, it means you're awful!

- You’re the only guy in school I haven’t made out with, because I thought you were capital-G gay. But having a perfect record would really mean a lot to me… So, let me know if you wanna tap this.”

-“When I saw a sign on the door that said ‘do not enter under any circumstances, I’m making out with a girl,’ I thought it was the start of one of your murder mysteries.”

The semester's over! And I passed all of my classes. Only one more semester to go after this.
I love that you can stream whole seasons of shows on Netflix. I'm watching Prison Break now, and I'll (re)watch Buffy next, while Mike and I together are watching Bones.
The National's new album High Violet. It's kind of phenomenal. I love The National more than I can describe. It's dark, moody, sexy, beautiful, intelligent, lush, haunting, complex, moving, and I could go on and on. I LOVE IT. It's not one of those bands/albums that grabs you immediately, and it's probably not for everybody (especially if you're more into pop) but it speaks to me. The National has to be the best "indie" band out there right now. Gorgeous.

We Expected Something Better Than Before

2010-05-06T13:13:00.003-05:00

First of all, I appreciate your support. It's good to know that people have your back. I'm kind of a loner, but it's easy to slip from loner to lonely when I'm having trouble because I'm not good at discussing my problems. I love to bottle things up, then push it down deep and ignore it. Expressing real emotions isn't really my thing.

I should also specify, my boyfriend and I haven't broken up. We're just going through a rough patch. Everything I said in my last post was true, but it was also written while I was crying and was maybe a little more forcefully worded than I should have.

And the truth is, I'm just as bad. That was obviously written from my point of view, which places all the blame on him, which isn't true. I have my problems as well. Neither of us are good communicators, plus we're both indecisive and we're both pushovers. We both ignore problems in hopes that they go away.

It makes it hard to have a healthy relationship that way. We are working on it though. I'm not willing to let go just yet.

Start A War

2010-05-02T20:22:00.001-05:00

I'm falling apart.

I can hardly breathe right now, again. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach, again.

I can't keep repeating myself when there's no one listening.

I can only have the same argument so many times.

You do what you want. Just like always, what you want comes first. You do what you want to do when you want to do it, then you're shocked to find out I'm upset.

How many times are you going to make the same empty promises to me? I've lost count. And faith.

I bear my heart and soul to you, and you try to explain to me why I'm wrong to feel what I feel.

Is it so hard? Is it so terrible to put someone else's needs before your own? It doesn't seem that way to me, but then again, I put you ahead of everything, because you are everything to me.

I just wish it was the same for you. I just wish I could be the most important thing.

In An Aeroplane Over the Sea

2010-03-23T12:49:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm alive. I survived 5 plane rides, 3 train rides, 1 ferry ride, Mike driving a rental car on the left side of the road, cab rides, multiple subway systems and various other public transportation rides. London was fantastic, Dublin was great, and Paris was... interesting. We saw phenomenal works of art, legendary architecture, and the Guinness storehouse.

I'd show you pictures but Mike has the camera. I think. I'll get them up at some point.

Right now I'm trying not to fall asleep. Our flight to St. Louis from Philly was canceled, so we had to fly to Chicago then to St. Louis, and arrived in about 7 hours later than anticipated. I still had to go to class this morning instead of sleeping in like I wanted. I think we must have terrible travel karma, because we've only been on 3 trips together where we've flown and out of those 3, we've had our return flights canceled twice. Of course, last time we were "stuck" in Vegas, so it was kind of a win.

I'll recap later when I find the camera, but for now, I'm alive and well. Mostly.

Check It Out

2010-02-03T23:32:00.004-06:00

So, apparently, I only read young adult novels now. It started with the Harry Potters and the Twilights, but it's moved on from there. I know I'm an "adult", or whatever, but something about these books as really been drawing me in .Thankfully, I look like I'm 16 most days, so I don't look quite as weird checking armfuls of YA novels out at the library. I highly encourage you to check out books that aren't written just for adults.

Like chick lit and/or romance? Sarah Dessen's there for you. She has a bunch of teen romance novels, with outcast, lonely girls and wounded, sad boys that you just want to save. They're sweet in their innocence and simplicity.

Like action/adventure? The Percy Jackson and the Olympians series is excellent. I was flipping through the pages as quickly as possible to see what happened next. I read most of the series in a week. I can't wait for the movie.

A fan of Twilight? Try the Shiver, by Maggie Stiefvater. It's about werewolves, not vampires, and the quality of writing is a lot better (no murmuring) but a similar compulsive readability and love-at-first-sight plot line.

But nothing has prepared me for the sheer amazingness of the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins. They're about a dystopian North America, where the government pits young people against each other in a televised last man standing competition. I didn't expect to love these as much as I did. I've never even seen an episode of Survivor. But these books are so freaking good, I couldn't put them down. There's a great love triangle (I love Peeta. LOVE), awesome, breathtaking action, and fascinating look at what the future could hold. I can't wait until August when the third and final book comes out.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I'm doing this again because I love it:

Copied from Avitable:

1. Go to the "Random Article" link on Wikipedia. Write down the title of the article. This is the name of your band.

2. Go to “Random Quotations” and the last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3. Go to Flickr and click on “Explore the Last Seven Days”. The third picture will be your album cover.

The End Has Only Begun

2010-01-11T11:16:00.002-06:00

I've discovered something weird about myself.

Recently, Mike and I have been re watching Pushing Daisies. We watched all the discs in quick succession, until we reached the last disc and suddenly, I didn't want to watch anymore. I wanted to catch up on our tivo'd items, instead. Also, Mike keeps talking (incessantly) about the upcoming, final season of Lost. I'd rather it not come.

Even now, after reading the first four books of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series quickly, I have the final book sitting next to me. I'm listlessly web browsing instead of reading it.

I find myself doing this sort of thing all the time. If I really love a book, I'll read through it quickly, then put it down and it will take me days to finish reading the final chapters.

Why do I do this? Who knows. I guess I just don't like good things to come to an end. Then it's over, and I won't have it anymore. Sure, you can re read a book, or re watch the tv series, but it's not the same.

I'll only find out whether or not Percy can stand up to the Titans for the first time once. I'll only discover (hopefully) why there are two John Lockes, and what the hell the smoke monster is, and who Sawyer ends up with for the first time as the season unfolds. (Although I'm sure I'll watch Lost again on DVD once the whole boxed set is released)

You just can't rush that kind of satisfaction, for me.

Get Behind Me, Santa!

2009-12-24T23:15:00.004-06:00

To share with you how I'll be spending my Christmas:

I'll probably eat a lot of food, too. We have breakfast with Mike's parents, lunch with my mom and brother, and dinner with Mike's grandparents/extended family.

Seriously, whatever you do, whatever you celebrate, have an awesome day. Be good to yourself.

I See You

2009-12-21T10:58:00.002-06:00

Okay, so I saw Avatar yesterday. Apparently my take on it was a lot different than most of yours. My review is spoiler free, aside from the summary from IMDB and I don't think there's anything in there that wasn't in the trailer.

First, here's a short summary via IMDB:

A paraplegic marine dispatched to the planet Pandora on a unique mission becomes torn between following his orders and protecting the world he feels is his home.

Yes, it was beautiful. Yes, it had amazing, unbelievable special effects. It definitely deserves credit for all that. We saw it in 3D, and I've never seen anything that amazingly beautiful on the big screen before. I definitely recommend seeing it in theaters, especially in 3D, while it's there because I think it will lose a lot at home on DVD.

However.

Avitable wrote in his review "Even with the basic plot and one-dimensional characters, the movie is phenomenal." And not just Avitable's review, pretty much every review I've read has said something like this.

I don't think the beautiful picture should make up for the complete lack of original plot. I mean, really, is that what filmmaking has become? We'll just recycle the same, overused plot but pretty up with groundbreaking special effects? Because I can tell you, I knew what was going to happen 30 minutes into it. I could tell how it was going to end, I could tell how the love story was going to go.

If it took James Cameron this long to make this movie, he should have had time to write an original story to go along with all that CG. I've seen this all a million times before, and at least then it didn't take almost 3 hours to tell the story.

Stay Inside Our Rosy Minded Fuzz

2009-12-16T10:41:00.006-06:00

So, I'm finally on winter break. This particular semester was a hard one for me, but I think that had more to do with lack of motivation than actual challenge from the work. We had a semester long project that I did the majority of in the week before it was due. This proved to be a very, very dumb thing to do. (I know, who would have thought?) I was so rushed towards the end that I made stupid mistakes, like forgetting to put my lighting fixtures on the board, and spelling the word porcelain wrong (Hint: there's no "e" at the end). But in the end, I recieved a solid B, so I'm more than comfortable with that. I think it also helped that I was the only one who did my boards on InDesign, so they looked a million times more professional than anyone else's.

I always have a sense of uneasiness when the semester ends. For so long (and especially at finals) I've poured all my extra time, effort, and energy into projects and homework, then suddenly I have nothing but free time.

That, and all my tv shows are on hiatus. That also frees up a lot of time.

I wasn't going to make cookies this year, but I've been awake for about two hours and I'm already bored. It's only the first day of break. So I guess it's cookie time!

Here's a few of my projects from this semester:

My semester long project (the floorplans anyway):

Computer Art Studio:

My first project in Illustrator: (to create a mechanical device)

My second project in Illustrator (Architectural Piece)

Their Words Mostly Noises

2009-11-09T23:29:00.004-06:00

I stood up for myself, and the world didn't end.

It makes sense, really. Theoretically, people stand up for themselves all the time. They must, or nothing would get done.

I finally reached my breaking point. With the main boss out of the office for medical reasons, her stand in was on a complete power trip. An inefficient, poorly managed power trip. After repeatedly making mistake after mistake, then making other people clean up her messes, I had had enough.

Granted, all I did was put my foot down, and say No. No, I will not clean up your mess. This set off a chain reaction throughout my workplace (because if, heaven forbid, Amanda stands up for herself, it must really be bad.) which resulted in many people standing up to her, in a much louder and more confident manner. Not that much changed, but at least we all got apologies. We got apologies, then told to finish cleaning up the mess.

But at least I got that tearful apology, and the sense of satisfaction for not caving in for the first time in my life. It's a step.

I've Been Too Long, I'm Glad To Be Back

2009-10-25T22:14:00.002-05:00

So, oops. It's been two months since I posted. I am, indeed, alive and well. However, I am overwhelmingly, mind blowingly, headache inducingly busy with work and school. It's all good, though.

Other things I've been busy with:

1. We went to Farm Aid and saw Wilco, Jason Mraz, Dave Matthews, John Mellencamp, and Willie Nelson. We went because we both love Wilco, but in all honestly, I was super psyched when John Mellencamp performed. Now you all know my dirty secret. And man oh man did the middle aged ladies go CRAZY when John hit the stage.

2. As much as the middle aged ladies love John, the middle aged dudes love They Might Be Giants. These dudes were rocking out in their accountant outfits. We went to a show where they performed Flood in it's entirety. It's the 20 year anniversary or something like that. We were by far the youngest people there, which surprised me. I guess it makes sense though considering I was in kindergarten when it came out.

3. We went to a ton of festivals. Greek, Irish, Craft, Beer, Art, you name it, we went to it. It's been a beautiful fall here and we've been out enjoying it.

4. Work drama. Lots and lots of work drama.

5. Drinking. Wine.

The Great Frontier

2009-08-24T09:23:00.002-05:00

I was trying to think of a way to link together all the different things I want to talk about, but fuck it. Bullet points it is.

Last week an extremely drunk driver ran a stop sign, crashed through a tree, and hit four cars in my work parking lot. Mine included, of course. Thankfully my car was the least damaged out of all of them, and the only person injured was the driver. I've never seen anything like this wreck before. The amount of damage one drunk person can do is astounding.
I'm finally done with pulling the carpet from my living room. Carpet, rug pad, staples, adhesive, and tack strips are all up. Now, I just need to sand it. Sigh.
I go back to school tomorrow and I've never been this uninterested. I always loved school. This year, I've been dreading it all summer. I'm ready to be done. Only two semesters after this one to go.
I had a country filled weekend. Saturday we went to the Festival of the Little Hills and ate chicken kabobs, a bloomin onion, and kettle corn. I've never seen that many red necks crammed into one place. Sunday we drove into the country in Illinois to go to one of my boyfriend's favorite places, Fort Du Chartres. You can climb around on a rebuilt French fort, and run away from the hordes of wasps that inhabit it. After that we went to the ruins of another fort, and drove around the area for a while listening to Sufjan Stevens (of course). We know how to have a good time.
Go see District 9 if you haven't yet. Seriously, just do it.

I Hurt Myself Today

2009-08-13T16:59:00.002-05:00

I've had a rough week. As it turns out, I'm not cut out for physical labor.

We're pulling up the carpet in the living room/hallway. The hardwood floors underneath are actually in great shape, so minimal refinishing is needed. In the last week, however, I've managed to:

-Smash my hand between a crow bar and the floor

-Get blisters on three of my fingers and the area between my thumb and forefinger from the pliers I used to pull up staples.

-Smash my pinkie at work when a shelf fell from a side table while I was carrying it.

- Get a chemical burn on my hand and arm from the adhesive remover

All of these on my right hand. I can't even hold a pen right now, so work's fun. And sadly, I'm only about halfway done. I've done all I can on my own, but now I need someone to help me move the heavy furniture.

Any takers?

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

2009-07-29T23:16:00.002-05:00

I rarely get excited about movies. Sure, there are some I actively want to see, but mostly my boyfriend pushes for them and I agree. Or it's something I see because everyone else has. Or I'm bored. But it's rare a movie comes along that I get really psyched to see.

The problem is that when I do get excited, I build things up in my head too much. I'm always convinced this is going to be the most amazing movie ever. And let's face it, rarely are movies that good. Entertaining? Sure. Thought provoking? Sometimes.

So when I saw the trailer for 500 Days Of Summer, I tried to stay calm about it. But really, Fox Searchlight (or Focus Features) movies featuring an attractive cast with a seemingly awesome soundtrack are right up my alley. I love Zooey Deschanel, and I really, really love Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I kind of loved it. I loved that it was a (somewhat) realistic portrait of a relationship. I loved that they had fights and breakups and makeups that actually seemed like they could happen. It was a sweetly told story, with a narrator that actually didn't annoy me. I loved Joseph Gordon-Levitt's sexy karaoke scene.

It was engrossing, and well acted (of course). I recommend it if you like unrequited love stories. Because after all, as the trailer tells us, it's not a love story.

Passing The Time

2009-07-20T10:16:00.003-05:00

I haven't done this in awhile, so here it goes: the summer movie edition (there may be a small, tiny spoiler in the Harry Potter review, but not really. It won't ruin anything, I promise)

Moon- For those of you not familiar with this one, it's about a guy (Sam Rockwell) who mans a solo mining operation on the moon, with only a Kevin Spacey voiced robot to keep him company. His three year shift is coming to an end, with only two weeks to go, when he stumbles across a body who appears to be identical to his. It makes you wonder if he's going crazy, if there's really a person who looks like him, etc.

This kind of movie is hard for me, because I'm not really a pure sci fi fan. Sure, I like sci fi if there are fancy space ships blowing up and young hot actors and actresses to watch, but pure, slow, sci fi isn't my thing. However, I think it was a good movie, even if it was very slow moving. Sam Rockwell was impeccable, there was genuine tension, and an interesting plot line. If you're a sci fi fan, I'd definitely check it out.

Harry Potter- This wasn't my favorite of the series, but it was alright. It seemed kind of long and draggy, but then again, it wasn't my favorite book of the series either. It was funny, at least. I'm not usually a purist about book to movie adaptations when the book is as long as The Half Blood Prince. But why did they cut out the battle at the end? It made the movie end in a boring, anti climactic manner. But I love pretty much anything in the HP family, so I liked it.

Bruno- Dirty, raunchy, inappropriate, and absolutely hilarious. There were a few parts that make me squeamish, and very sad for humanity. It wasn't the best movie ever, but it was funny to watch once.

These ones are older, so I'll do one sentence reviews:

Transformers- Way too long and blah.

The Hangover- So very funny and hilarious and awesome.

The Proposal- Nothing new, but I love Ryan Reynolds.

Up- Devastatingly sad, but of course awesome.

They Will See Us Waving From Such Great Heights

2009-07-13T12:20:00.003-05:00

I'm going through a weird period of life right now. I'm having huge highs and devastating lows at regular intervals. (And no, not in the bipolar way).

For instance, at work. I had my promotion. Things with that are going well, and I've recieved a lot of postive feedback from my superiors, including fancy pants corporate people. I've made good friends with the two other people in my position, and have been spending a lot of time with them outside of work, with margaritas in hand. I even went with one as a date to a wedding. This sort of thing is hard for me, I'm just not good as socializing and making new friends, especially with girls, but I'm really making an effort here.

But at the same time, people are being fired left and right. It's getting tense. No one's doing anything wrong, per say, just the economy. We used to have 9 sales associates and now there's 3. Every time the phone rings and its work calling, I'm sure I'm being fired. I try to convince myself that I'll be one of the last fired, as I'm in a management position and I bring a little more to the table than the average employee with my background in design, which they utilize often. But that's probably just wishful thinking, there have been many people that were fired that I never saw coming.

Things in my relationship are also up and down. We're going through a lot of stuff that I don't really want to talk about, but it's rough. Basically we want different things out of life, and it's hard to find the right compromise. I honestly think we'll be okay, but again, who knows. There are no guarantees in life, especially with love. And there's so much love there, it should be able to survive this rough patch. Mostly we're okay. 90% of the time, things are perfect. It's that other 10% of the time that breaks my heart.

While we're going through this, we're planning a huge vacation. Bigger than any we've done before. I'm super psyched about it, and Lord knows I love planning things. Anything that gives me a chance to research and organize is great. I'm hoping this isn't just something to distract us from our problems though, like when people don't want to get a divorce so they have a baby instead. And I don't really think that it is, but again, I can only know my intentions, I can't read Mike's mind.

So, basically, I'm at a crossroads. I'm someone who likes to be 100% sure about things, and everything in my life right now is up in the air. It's hard for me to come to terms with the fact that I'm not in control right now.

So Easy To Please

2009-06-18T10:53:00.002-05:00

I'm three days in to my new position, and it's going about as well as I had expected. For the most part, people are supportive. Or they don't care, which is equally fine with me. There's only one person who's being an ass about it, but she's the one I most expected to be difficult.

The real irritation about her is she truly believes she should have been offered the position based solely on seniority. During the summer, she doesn't work during the days because her kids are home from school. So she literally cannot do half of the job. They only need me to open the store and do returns. So why on earth would they have offered it to her?

Oh well. The other 12 people who work there are all fine with this, so it's all good. Mostly.

The rest of the job is fine. It's not any harder than the job I've already been doing, it's just slightly more work. I guess people had low expectations for me, or else everyone else is retarded, because they're all so impressed with how quickly I learned everything. Why yes, I can count to 15o, thank you. Yes, I can scan a receipt and press the big button that says 'return item'. I'm just a genius that way, I suppose.

The Vast Ravine, Right In Between

2009-06-11T15:26:00.002-05:00

I was supposed to have lunch today with two friends. One I know well, and spend a lot of time with. The other was hosting the lunch at her house. I used to work with her, and we were close at the time, but I haven't talked to her much since she left about 6 months ago.

This morning my close friend called and said she couldn't come because she had to wait for the A/C repair man.

The panic began to set it.

It's not like I don't know K (the hostess). We worked together for six months, and in many ways she was like a mentor to me. She did all the visual displays in the store, and I learned a ton from her. So why was I apprehensive to spend time alone with her?

It was too late for me to cancel, I knew she had already done the shopping and preparing for lunch.

I drove over with butterflies in my stomach. I just knew it was going to be awkward. I'd have nothing to say, she'd think I'm boring, etc.

Of course, the second K opened the door, I knew it was fine. She gave me a tour of her breathtakingly beautiful home, and we sat and talked for two hours over lunch without a gap in the conversation.

It's always fine.

So why do I psych myself out? Why don't I want to have new friends?

Whenever someone wants to do something, I always have an excuse as to why I can't make it. If my boyfriend's going to be there then it's all good. It's the whole being alone with people making conversation thing I just can't seem to handle.

I need to let my fucking guard down.

Happiness is Overrated

2009-06-08T15:51:00.002-05:00

So, I received a quasi-promotion today. It's not a big one, just a little more money and a little more responsibility (opening the store, handling returns, etc.) It's like being a half manager. It's that time of year where everyone wants to take their vacation, and they were having trouble with overlapping vacation time. Otherwise, I doubt they'd have me doing this. It's temporary, through probably October.

I just wish it was under better terms. The store manager has breast cancer and will be out of the office at least through October until she finishes chemo, radiation, and (hopefully) a lumpectomy.

I'm also worried about my coworkers. They are a jealous, competitive bunch. For example, I tend to get more hours than most of them. It's not that I'm any better than them at the job, it's mostly based on my rapport with the scheduling manager. Also, I'm 100% flexible, especially during the summer months. I can work anytime, and I'm always up for helping out if the schedule needs to be changed, and I think that's what people don't understand. If they were flexible, and didn't ask off for every weekend, I'm sure they'd get more hours. But when you're only available every third day, it's just not possible for you to get a lot of hours. You should just be glad you have a decent paying job in this economy. And yet, they bitch. They bitch to me, they bitch to each other, they bitch to the managers about how unfair this is. Well, suck it up.

So I'm concerned about how they're going to react to my "promotion." I'm sure they'll be bitching about how they've been there longer than me, and how they are better equipped to do it. It can't always be about seniority, though, right? I mean, sometimes it has to be about flexibility and being a team player. It has to do with showing up on time, and getting your job done without complaining. I'm not claiming to be the best worker ever, but at least I try. And in the end, I guess that's what counted.

The Ballad of Love and Hate

2009-06-05T09:29:00.004-05:00

So, it's been a month since I've posted. I don't know why. It's not like I haven't had things to talk about, I just haven't been in the mood. I need to get back into the habit (or at least the weekly- habit) of posting, so I'm going to ease into it with a meme I stole from Hannah.

Also I was woken up this morning by a text super early, so I'm cranky. Here's the things I hate.

1. Most hated food. Oh man, I love most food. That's the problem. I hate sausage, or at least breakfast-type sausage and sausage on pizza. I hate cilantro. I hate Wendy's.

2. Most hated person. I wouldn't say I hate anyone, but I dislike Michelle Bachman, Sarah Palin, Dick Cheney, and Pat Robertson. (Hm, do you sense a theme?)

3. Most hated job. I've only had three jobs and they've all been good. There were many aspects of my last job I ended up hating though.

4. Most hated city. I'm sure it has good parts that I missed, but Chatanooga was a shit hole.

5. Most hated band. Nickelback, My Chemical Romance, Evanesence. Singers would be Natasha Bedingfield, Katy Perry, and Avril Lavigne (sorry Adam)

6. Most hated web site. I don't think I hate any websites. I do hate it when music or sound autoplays, though

7. Most hated TV program. I hate reality tv that follows people around (the Hills, Jon and Kate, etc.) I also hate reality dating shows. I only like shows that have people based on talent, not the ability to wear a short skirt.

8. Most hated British politician. You know, that one guy. With the hair.

9. Most hated artist. I don't like it when they take found objects and just slap it against the wall as "art". I don't mind re-purposing, but something needs to be done to it to make it art. Also the whole Dada movement was weird.

10. Most hated book.I hated The Road by Cormac McCarthy. And I hated the Scarlet Letter, and I got a B in English that semester which devastated me.

11. Most hated shop. I don't like Walmart, but I work literally next door to one and it's convenient. I kind of hate Abercrombie.

12. Most hated organization. NAMBLA

13. Most hated historical event. Umm... Slavery? the Holocaust? Any sort of mass genocide. Oh and the Spanish Inquisition.

14. Most hated sport. Hockey. Good lord.

15. Most hated piece of technology. I don't think I hate technology, that's weird.

16. Most hated annual event. I'm not a fan of summer. Summer comes every year, unfortunately.

17. Most hated daily task. Doing my hair after I shower. It takes fucking forever, and my hair's not that complicated.

18. Most hated comedian. Hands down, Dane Cook. Douche-tastic!

Now here's the love part, because I don't like all the negativity:

1. Most loved food: A really good steak, almost anything with potatoes, pizza

2. Most loved person: My boyfriend, frustrating as he may be

3. Most loved job: I love my job now, but I really loved working at Blockbuster when I was in high school.

4. Most loved city: Kansas City or Santa Monica

5. Most loved band: Death Cab, Snow Patrol, Starsailor, Editors, the National, the Decemberists, the Killers, the Shins

6. Most loved web site: Twitter?

7. Most loved TV program: Gilmore Girls, Veronica Mars, Pushing Daisies, the Mentalist, Lost, Gossip Girl

8. Most loved movie: The Princess Bride... but also The Big Lebowski, Office Space, and any John Hughes movie

9. Most loved artist: Chuck Close, easy.

10. Most loved book: The Catcher in the Rye, The Time Traveller's Wife, The Smoke Jumper, 1984, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, The Giver, To Kill A Mockingbird

11. Most loved shop: Target. It has everything I could ever want.

12. Most loved organization: Does the Democratic Party count?

13. Most loved historical event: The Emancipation Proclamation? That was a good moment. Also Oct. 23rd 1976, when Ryan Reynolds was born.

14. Most loved sport: To watch? Baseball. To play? None.

15. Most loved piece of technology: My i-pod

16. Most loved annual event: Fall! The sweaters, the chill in the air, holding a warm latte in the cool weather, the leaves changing colors, oh man. Only 4 months to go.

All Your Diction Dripping With Disdain

2009-05-06T04:16:00.000-05:00

It's funny the conversations you overhear. You know, when you're eavesdropping.

(at The Killers concert)
Douche: The last time I was here was for the Death Cab for Cutie concert. It was okay.
Girl: I loved it.
Douche: Yeah it was really good. I'm just not that big of a fan of mainstream music. I'm more into Vampire Weekend and Arctic Monkeys.
(Let me interject here: While these aren't the biggest names in the music industry, they are by no means "not mainstream." Vampire Weekend was possibly the biggest hyped band I've ever seen)

*Countdown starts on the screen onstage for the Killer's entrance*

Douche: Oh, they did this at the Coldplay concert. Now that was a good one.

All These Things That I've Done

2009-05-04T14:46:00.006-05:00

This is going to be a double concert review, because we saw Howie Day on Friday, and the Killers on Monday.

Howie Day has been a longtime favorite of mine, ever since I bought Stop All The World Now in 2003. You're probably familiar with his song "Collide" as it was played on the radio every other song for quite awhile (You might also know him from this). I've never seen a show quite like this before. Howie was alone on the stage, but you didn't even miss a band. He uses samplers and effects paddles to create a really full sound. It's pretty impressive. You don't see a lot of true musicians like that. His vocals were some of the best I've ever heard live. I can die fairly happily now that I've heard Collide and She Says live. I highly recommend seeing him in concert, because it's a unique experience.

Collide - Howie day

The Killers were awesome, as expected. I wouldn't expect any less. They did an assortment of songs from all three albums (four if you count Sawdust), so I got to hear all my favorite songs. This was a much different crowd and energy than I'm used to, but it's nice to do different things. People were dancing, some were headbanging (for no reason?) and there were pyrotechnics. The whole show was so energetic, I was amazed at how great Brandon was.

Speaking of Brandon, good lord. We were in the 7th row, so I was close enough to really see him.

What a sexy, sexy man. Even with the plumage, he was attractive.

The songs they did:
Human
This Is Your Life
Somebody Told Me
For Reasons Unknown
Joy Ride
I Can't Stay
(Bling) Confessions of a King
Shadowplay
Smile Like You Mean IT
Spaceman
Read My Mind
A Dustland Fairytale
Sam's Town
Read My Mind
Mr. Brightside
All These Things That I've Done

Bones
Jenny Was A Friend of Mind
When You Were Young

While We're On The Subject, Could We Change The Subject Now?

2009-04-29T13:49:00.004-05:00

I'm awesome at avoidance. Or, more precisely, "out of sight, out of mind" is an accurate cliche on my part.

Why do I do it? I wish I knew.

I need to stop, though. It's getting out of hand. I never deal with things. I ignore as much as I can, then quickly forget about it. Or I reason it away, telling myself it's not that big of a deal.

But sometimes? It is a big deal. Sometimes it hurts. At some point, I need to be able to stand up for myself. Let my opinion be known. Deal with issues head on.

Instead, I give myself time to calm down. If I have an disagreement with someone, I try to get out of it as soon as possible, then I sleep on it. The next day, the anger's gone. Which can be a good thing, I understand. I don't hold grudges, I don't often get irrationally angry.

I'm continually surprised and hurt when people don't take their second chances seriously. My guess is that they know I'll give them a third, fourth, and fifth chance. What's the line between not holding grudges and making the same mistakes? I don't know. I'm pretty sure I just let people walk all over me, though, because I'd rather ignore and forget than be confrontational.

How much of yourself do you lose when you let yourself be perpetually ignored?

You Laugh, You Learn

2009-04-23T05:00:00.000-05:00

Last night my boyfriend took me to see An Evening With David Sedaris. He first heard about it because NPR was having some sort of listener presale, and he knows how much of a fan I am.

I should point out that although this is an awesome gesture, it wasn't done for fully selfless reasons. Every time I read a David Sedaris book, I go on and on about how much he would like it, and he's not much of a reader. So his getting the tickets was his way of getting out of having to actually *gasp* read a book.

I wasn't sure what to expect, because I'd never been to an event like this before. Sure, I've seen authors speak, but not at such a large scale. It was held at the symphony hall, which seats quite a few people.

The first thing that happened was David was sitting right by the door signing books, so he was the first person I saw. I didn't get a book signed because the line wrapped around the lobby twice, and I was more intrigued by the line at the bar (and the booth that sold cake). But, I was less than ten feet away from one of my favorite authors, so that's cool.

The show was really funny. As I said, I wasn't sure what to expect, but basically he just told stories. It was like seeing a really, really intelligent comedian. If you're familiar with his work, you know how funny he is, but it's even funnier hearing his delivery. It wasn't stuff from the books either, it was new material.

At the end he opened it up for questions, and he was just as humorous and charming in his spontaneous answers as he was in his rehearsed stories.

If you get a chance to see him talk, I highly recommend it. And if you haven't read any of his works, you should really check him out. He's by far my favorite memoirist (you know, from the giant pool of successful memoirists I have to choose from).

Also, how great is it that a giant place like the Powell Symphony Hall sells out for an author? I'm glad people are willing to miss American Idol and Lost for one night (or tivo them) to go experience a great event like this.

I Really See You Upside Down

2009-04-09T12:28:00.002-05:00

I don't want to be one of those girls that bitches about their boyfriend publicly, but he really made me angry yesterday.

Long story short(ish), his parents are talking about moving to the country, and they'd sell him their house for a very, very reasonable price. His parents have talked about moving to the country multiple times with nothing happening, so I'm not holding my breath.

He didn't mention anything about me moving in with him, which is okay. Honestly, I don't really want to. He needs some time to live on his own and learn to be independent. I'm worried if we lived together, he'd just depend on me to do everything for him, and I don't have the time or the patience to take care of both of us. I have enough trouble taking care of myself. He needs to figure out how to do his own laundry and clean his own bathroom before we can co-exist peacefully.

But anyway, yesterday we were talking about what his budget would be. He said he's not sure if he would be able to afford it, unless I wanted to move in and pay for part of it.

Excuse me?

Is that the way you approach asking your girlfriend to move in with you? And admit that the only reason you're asking is because you need her money? (Which, let's face it. I work part time retail. What money?)

Then when I got mad, he said he hadn't asked because he didn't think I'd want to move in with him.

When I told him I didn't want to live with him, he got offended. I explained my reasons to him, which he totally understood, because even he knows he's irresponsible.

Maybe we can live together after we've dated for seven or eight years, we're clearly not ready after six.

It's A Strange Condition

2009-03-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

We went on our annual (or monthly, depending on how things are going) trek to Kansas City for steak.

It started Friday, and it was lovely. We went to their beautiful Zoo on a pretty day, we had dinner at a restaurant we used to have here that closed, then we went to their new Power and Light district and caught a concert from some dude I've never heard of.

It was a gorgeous night, they had the heat lamps on, so it was great catching a concert outdoors and drinking cheap beer. My boyfriend never wants to do things like that here, so it's nice to get out sometimes.

It all started falling apart Friday night/Saturday morning when I literally got no sleep. And not because I was up late doing something fun (in a hotel) but because I am the world's worst sleeper. The people next to us had their TV on (not loud, I'm just sensitive), the air conditioner was loud, cars were driving by, etc. When the sun came up I got out of bed and just read until my boyfriend woke up.

We drove 45 minutes outside of KC to an old asylum that now houses a psychiatric museum. It was all about psychiatric treatments pre-modern medicine. So, it was kind of creepy anyway.

There was a group of people there that were all a little off. I don't know specifically what was different about them. One I think was autistic, but that's not really the point.

An older lady from the group started following us around, which was a little weird, but whatever. She said hi to us, asked us how we were. We politely answered, then quickly walked away. She kept following us around.

Finally she came up to me and said "I have angels that talk to me and keep me safe"

I said "Oh, that's nice"

Crazy Lady- "They're telling me you need to get an MRI"

Me- "um... okay...."

Crazy Lady- "Or a mammogram"

Me- "I.. Um.. yeah..." (I just went to the gyno, I'm comfortable with my breast health)

Crazy Lady- "Do you have a mole by your left breast?"

Me- "No..."

Crazy Lady- (VERY loudly and angrily) "Oh, well I guess the angels are wrong then, huh?"

Mike starts pushing me out of the room.

She kept yelling after me about how I need to listen to her or I would die.

I made Mike leave then, so we didn't see most of the museum.

It was the goddamn creepiest thing I had ever heard. I'm glad I don't have a mole near my left breast, or I probably would be at the hospital right now undergoing a battery of preventative tests. I'm pretty sure my insurance wouldn't cover those tests, considering my only reason for needing them was because the lady at the asylum told me I need them.

I was pretty shaken up we left, considering the lack of sleep and the already creepy environment. We stopped to get gas before heading back to KC, and a guy in overalls and a Tweety hat (with the bill turned up) was yelling at everyone who walked past about how Barack Obama wasn't really a Christian and he was, in fact, a free mason. We stopped to listen to him for a few minutes.

The moral of the story, is St. Joseph, Missouri is a crazy ass place with crazy ass people in it. Seriously, stay away.

The rest of the day was more pleasant, we went to the Nelson-Atkins Museum and the Kemper Contemporary Art Museum, followed by dinner at Houston's.

This is where we made a logistical error, as it's not super comfortable to drive four hours after eating a steak and loaded baked potato dinner.

You live, you learn, you repeat it again in six months.

Hate Is A Strong Word

2009-03-16T09:30:00.000-05:00

So, I don't tend to get controversial here. I'm a fairly neutral person, and I try to let people live the way they want to live without passing judgment.

But people on Twitter are really starting to aggravate me

I know social media is what you make of it. I always have the option to unfollow people on Twitter (and trust me, I have been recently). But some people are totally rad like 80% of the time. I don't want to unfollow them, but more and more I've been tempted.

Maybe I'm just over Twitter.

The Top Five Irritating Things You're Doing On Twitter (yes, you.)

5. Multiple blog post announcements- This one doesn’t really bother me that much, but I’ve seen other people complain. I I follow you on Twitter, I probably already have your blog in my feed reader, so one announcement on Twitter is more than enough. But when you have the feed being announced from four different sources, it’s pretty superfluous. Maybe you could scale back?

4. Hashtags- Okay, they’re not all bad. Some can be helpful; some are downright funny (like Michael Ian Black’s #fuckitlist.) But it’s completely unnecessary to put a hashtag after every tweet you have. And kinda douchey. Not everything you say needs to be indexed.

3. Blip.fm- This is the newest irritant. I don’t mind the sporadic “Rocking out to Taco- Putting on the Ritz” tweet, but you can listen to a lot of music during the day. We don’t need to know every song you listen to. In fact, that’s what Last.fm is for. People can go on their own accord to see what you’ve been listening to, without it being crammed down their throat.

2. Live tweeting television shows- Sure, it’s one thing if there’s something big going on, like a political debate. I’ll even allow for award shows, even though it’s still irritating. But we do not need to know your every thought, feeling, and reaction to what Simon said to that contestant every Tuesday and Wednesday, and then your reaction to the bachelor and to who Donald fires. Its fine to have the occasional “Wow, BSG was frakking amazing tonight” or “Man, Sheldon just doesn’t understand social customs. Poor Leonard, it must be rough being his roommate. ” comment, but seriously. Please stop. If people care that much about American Idol, they’ll watch it and have their own opinions.

1. Twitter parties- This is by far the most obnoxious, irritating thing I’ve seen yet. Good lord. Seriously, get a fucking chat room. It is really galling to completely flood and overwhelm Twitter for your own intents and purposes. Twitter is for everyone, not just for you.

What irritates you on Twitter?

Take A Bow

2009-03-10T11:28:00.002-05:00

I thought I was prepared. I knew Watchmen was going to be long. I knew it was going to be dark, and serious, and all that. I knew there was going to be lots of blue penis.

I should point out, I haven't read the graphic novel. Or any graphic novel. And I'm not usually a fan of the superhero movie, unless it's really good. Or Funny. (like The Dark Knight, or Iron Man)

It definitely had it's good parts, it was beautifully shot, well acted, dark and moody, and all that good stuff.

But this movie was ridiculously, unbearably long. I thought it was going to be okay, because I kept reading reviews on how awesome it was. And I think it could have been a really good movie if someone would LEARN HOW TO EDIT.

It was unnecessarily long. I guess the point was to keep it as true to the novel as possible, but the thing is? With a novel? You can put it down and walk away, and unfortunately you cannot do the same in the movie theater. I mean, yeah, you can walk out, but I would have been waiting alone while Mike finished watching it.

I want those three hours of my life back.

Take A Bow - Muse

But For Now We Are Young

2009-03-02T23:20:00.003-06:00

Do you ever feel like the world is crashing down on your head? And you try to push through the rubble to find a bit of sunlight and air, but when you do push through you find there's just more rubble and darkness?

I try to be a positive person. I try to look at the bright side. I enjoy lightness and humor. I try to help when I can, and even when I can't.

But goddamn, what a sucktastic few days.

It started early Saturday upon hearing of Lisa's passing. One of the reasons I felt connected to Lisa was because of our shared mantra, it is what it is. I've always tried to live by that standard, as a way of not over reacting, of accepting life and all it's quirks and complexities. I keep it close to me and repeat it as necessary throughout the day.

Then a good friend was in a car accident and is still hospitalized with a punctured lung and lots of broken bones.

Then my boyfriend dropped a bombshell on me on Sunday that I cannot even begin to fathom and absorb, that I'm nowhere near being able to discuss, or even comprehend. I don't know what it's ramifications and implications will be, but my guess is that they will not be positive (and no, he didn't cheat on me)

Soon after that, we found out his grandma has intestinal cancer. It's still early, so we don't know details or the prognosis or anything.

Then I found out a good friend was dumped by her boyfriend when she told him she was pregnant. Upstanding fellow, yes?

So what do I do? I try to push on. I missed class Monday morning, because putting on clothes seemed like an awful lot of work. I spent all day cleaning and moving furniture, because that's better than thinking, and sulking, and processing.

But I don't work again until Thursday (Thank you, economy) so I have a lot of free time to sit around, and only so much furniture to be moved.

So what do I do tomorrow?

In the Aeroplane Over the Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel

May Angels Lead You In

2009-02-28T07:51:00.003-06:00

This is going to be shorter than I want, but I have to leave for work in about seven minutes.

As you probably all well know, Lisa from Clusterfook passed away after her brave cancer battle last night. She leaves behind Dude and the girls.

I just wanted to share a super quick memory of Lisa. In the early stages of being diagnosed again, she was feeling awful from chemo but still positive in that Lisa-way. I had tweeted about my headache and she responded with something like "I'm sorry, headaches suck" or something like that.

I was blown away. After all she had been through, the sickness she was feeling, she was still sympathetic to my stupid headache.

That's one tiny example of the kindness Lisa showed every day.

Lisa, you will be missed.

February Stars

2009-02-23T09:57:00.002-06:00

First of all, sorry I forgot to update and tell you what my Valentine's present was. I had definitely built it up too much in my head because it wasn't the big huge deal I thought it was going to be, but it was still pretty sweet. I don't even totally know how to explain it, but it was a sort of box/pop up book with different pictures that were personal to us. I don't know how to describe it, so I'm going to leave it at that. It was sweet.

You knew I had to do this one, right?

Think of 20 albums, CDs, LPs (if you’re over 40), that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life. Dug into your soul. Music that brought you to life when you heard it. Royally affected you, kicked you in the wazoo, literally socked you in the gut, is what I mean. Then when you finish, ~~tag 15 others, including me~~. Make sure you copy and paste this part so they know the drill.

1. Jimmy Eat World- Jimmy Eat World

2. Red Hot Chili Peppers- Blood Sugar Sex Magik

3. Radiohead- Pablo Honey

4. Starsailor- Silence Is Easy

5. The Killers- Hot Fuss

6. Greenday- Dookie

7. Jason Mraz- Waiting For My Rocket To Come

8. Damien Rice- O

9. Death Cab For Cutie- Transatlanticsm

10. Ben Folds Five- Whatever and Ever Amen

11. The Decemberists- The Crane Wife

12. Editors- An End Has A Start

13. Foo Fighters- The Colour and the Shape

14. Dave Matthews Band- Under The Table and Dreaming

15. Jeff Buckley- Grace

16. Bush- Sixteen Stone

17. The National- Boxer

18. Postal Service- Give Up

19. The Shins- Chutes Too Narrow

20. Snow Patrol- Eyes Open

We Both Go Down Together

2009-02-11T09:33:00.003-06:00

I hate surprises.

Or, specifically, I hate poorly executed surprises.

My boyfriend spent Sunday working on something that he couldn't talk about that I would find out about sometime in the future. Now, he also spent the day working on a paper. He could have just said that, and not mentioned the mystery project. But now the not knowing is DRIVING ME INSANE.

I finally got out of him that whatever it is, I'll find out about on Saturday. We're not usually big Valentine's Day people, so this is odd.

I think for a really good surprise, the recipient should have no idea something is coming, then it's all Boom! Roasted! It's a little mean to telling someone like me that they have a surprise coming. (It's really hard to be in control when you're being surprise, you know?

He says I'm building it up too much, I'll be disappointed.

I just wish he wouldn't have said anything.

Oh It's Such a Perfect Day

2009-01-15T19:35:00.004-06:00

Don't you love it when you have one of those perfect days? Those days that don't end up at all like you think they're going to, but surprise you with their awesomeness?

I had one of those days recently. It started with my mom taking me out to breakfast at one of my favorites, First Watch. Then we went to the hardware store to get the accoutrement for hanging our new curtains.

After we finished hanging them, my boyfriend came to pick me up and we drove about an hour north to Pere Marquette State Park in Grafton, Illinois. It was too cold to hike, but we drove through their scenic drive part, and it was still beautiful, even in winter. We saw several bald eagles while we were there, which is kind of cool, I suppose.

We wanted to eat dinner in Grafton, but it was still kind of early, so we stopped at the Grafton Winery to get a drink. After sampling several varieties, we settled on a bottle of their Harbor Red and settled into a table overlooking a marina and the Mississippi. No, it's not the most beautiful river in the world, but it was a pretty day. There was a dude playing music there, mostly awesome stuff like the Eagles and 90's rock. I realized if I was going to walk out of the winery I was going to need some food, since I skipped lunch, so we had a cheese and sausage platter and some yummy sandwiches.

On the drive home, I insisted we stop at the Alton Belle Casino, because it was the ugliest building I've ever seen on the outside, and I was dying to see what the inside looked like. It was not nearly as hideous inside, just normal generic casino.

Then we came home and snuggled in bed while watching The Sopranos. It's taken me five years, but I've finally convinced him to watch it with me, so that's a win.

So what do you consider a perfect day?

And They Say "'Tis the Season To Be Jolly"

2008-12-24T03:00:00.000-06:00

Stolen from LeSombre

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Usually wrapping paper- I like to make everything pretty. I'm excellent with ribbon and bows.

2. Real tree or Artificial?
Artificial- I don't want to kill a tree every year, plus it's a lot easier. And I'm allergic.

3. When do you put up the tree?
If it were up to me, probably never.

4. When do you take the tree down?
New Years-ish

5. Do you like eggnog?
I'm sure it's what evil tastes like

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
I always liked getting clothes and earrings and whatnot.

7. Hardest person to buy for?
My boyfriend, if he wants or needs anything, he buys it for himself.

8. Easiest person to buy for?
My mom or my brother. My mom is happy with anything, and my brother always wants some sort of DVD or videogame.

9. Do you have a nativity scene?
I surely do not

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
Mail, I think it's nice to spend the time and effort.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
I really can't think of anything, I'm easy to please

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
A Christmas Story, of course.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
October or November. I usually have it done before December because I hate the crowds. I failed this year.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
No, I haven't. I usually like anything I get

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Cookies and pie. And ham.

16. Lights on the tree?
Duh, of course.

17. Favorite Christmas song?
Elf’s Lament, by the Barenaked Ladies or Carol of the Bells

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
I wish I could stay home, instead we go to 7 different present opening things. It's exhausting.

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?
Of couse

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
If I had a tree, I'd put a star. My mom puts an angel on.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
Christmas morning of course. It's always been what we do, and my boyfriend is even more emphatic about this.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
The crowds, and people get so cranky.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color?
Silver and clear, no color.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner?
We usually have a ham and thanksgiving-type sides.

25. What do you want for Christmas?
A pony. Or for Pushing Daisies to be uncanceled.

Like A Little Drop Of Ink In A Glass Of Water

2008-12-10T03:00:00.000-06:00

You may all remember the interview meme that went around last year, and Avitable decided to resurrect it. He asked me questions before, more than a year ago, and I thought it would be fun to do it again.

1. Shouldn't you be getting married and start popping out kids soon?

I'll have one when you have one. And no, I don't mean Amy. I mean when a baby comes out of your vagina, I'll push one out of mine.

2. As a corollary to #1, when one of the kids looks like me, will your boyfriend mind?

He's a fairly hairy guy, I might be able to convince him it's his.

3. Tell me about a band that I don't even know exists and am missing out on experiencing.

I would love to. For starters, Editors. They're sort of a modern Joy Division, but I like them a lot better. Oh, and Starsailor. They're like Echo and the Bunnymen meets Coldplay. Doves are always good. The National always relaxes me.

Oh, and if you like quirky indie rock (which I believe you all should) I highly recommend The Decemberists. The lyrics are outstanding.

4. Since Missouri is the "Show Me" state, what will you show me?

That depends, of course, on how much I've had to drink.

5. If you had to choose between never seeing a movie or listening to music again, or never having sex with another person again, which would you choose?

I know this isn't going to be the popular choice, but I'd pick music and movies. I can get off watching movies by myself if need be. It would be tough, but I could do it. Not listening to music or seeing movies would probably kill me.

Want to be part of it? Follow these instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Show Me What I'm Looking For

2008-12-05T03:00:00.002-06:00

I've been trying to come up with a list of deal-breakers for quite awhile. I like to jump on bandwagons, and everyone's been been talking about their deal breakers in relationships.

It turns out I'm not that picky, because this took me a really long time to come up with.

1. Bigotry- This is probably my most important. I can accept almost anything, but what I can't accept is discrimination (and yes, I count being against marriage for everyone as bigotry and discrimination). I'm a big fan of letting people live freely.

2. Not able to support himself- I don't expect a millionaire, but I like going out to eat and seeing movies. I know it's shallow, but I'm used to living comfortably.

3. No sense of humor- I don't expect a Mitch Hedberg, but you need to at least be able to appreciate other people's jokes. Life is too long to take so seriously.

4. Not able to stand up to me- I like to be pushy, but I take being told no pretty well also. I need you to be able to tell me no. Everyone thinks I'm the controlling one in my relationship, but it's pretty darn balanced. I'm just more vocal.

5. Not independent- I don't care it it's me, or his mother, or his church, I need someone who is able to think and act on his own. There's not much that bothers me more than someone who is willing to follow blindly. There's nothing wrong with thinking freely. This includes momma's boys. Seriously, dude, grow up.

I think that's it. I've dated all sorts of different guys, I wouldn't say I have a type. Tall, short, fat, thin, smart, dumb, Catholic, protestant, Democrat, Republican, I've dated you all.

Just Because I'm Losing Doesn't Mean I'm Lost

2008-12-03T10:12:00.002-06:00

I've never been as overwhelmed in a class as I am right now. In case I haven't complained enough, I hate this architecture class. I've never wanted to be an architect. Not even in a "Hmm, that wouldn't suck" sort of way. I've always thought it would suck. The attention to detail/anal retentive nature is way too much for me, and I am god-damned anal retentive.

As of tomorrow, I need to have four elevations, a construction-ready floorplan, site plan, vicinity map, construction details, door schedule, door elevations, wall section, and two details done. For the most part, they are. I actually thought I was done and I printed everything out and I was ready to go. Then my boyfriend noticed I had lettered my windows wrong, so I had to re-do every drawing.

I don't know when I'll get to print it all out, but I guess I'll figure it out.

Here's part of what I'm working on- I don't know why the fascia and trim work look shingled here, it looks white in Sketch-up, so whatever.

So that's why I haven't been around to comment on your blogs. I've been reading though, I promise. It's also why I never see my boyfriend and don't sleep anymore.

As soon as I'm done with this, I'll have more time to stress about the holidays.

If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It

2008-11-20T23:35:00.002-06:00

First of all, (Sorry, Britt) I need your address so I can send out my holiday cards. I think I only have the current address for about three of you, so please email me at Amanda234 AT gmail DOT com because I would love to send each of you a card. I really really would. Thank you.

I've spent a total of about eight hours working on the picture above in SketchUp, and it's still not close to being finished. I need to get rid of the line on the wall (when I erase it the whole wall falls apart) and add soffit. And hard ware. And I'm sure a ton of other things.

I've spend this whole semester procrastinating because December seemed like a such a long way away. In this class, the whole grade is essentially based on designing and presenting a house. There are only three times in the whole semester we get grades for this, so each point is pretty important. I was never worried because really? December? That's a long way away. Except for that the entire thing is due TWO WEEKS from yesterday. Good lord.

It's not like it's an easy two weeks either, the only days I have off work between now and then are tomorrow, Thanksgiving, and the Saturday after Thanksgiving (because I'll be at a wedding).

I forsee a serious lack of sleep in my future. Stupid procrastination.

I Guess This Is Growing Up

2008-11-12T23:14:00.003-06:00

Making birthday plans as an adult kind of sucks. Remember when you were a kid, and your birthday was all that mattered? Apparently, your 24th birthday is not that big of a deal. And I don't really want it to be either.

Previously, I've always not gone to class on my birthday, so I could spend the day doing my favorite thing (wearing pajamas and watching television). This year, I really need to go to class because of the intense course load. So I'll be spending most of my birthday day hunched over a drafting table.

Then, my boyfriend has an exam in his ecology class in the evening so I won't even see him until after 8. Sure, I could just go out with friends, but he's the one I want to spend my birthday with. So we'll go to a late-ish dinner, but I can't even stay out that late because I have to work on Friday, and I do much better when I'm not exhausted and hungover.

Oh well. It won't be that bad. At least I have someone to be upset with for not spending time with me on my birthday, I suppose. I think I'll let this one slide, but my 25th birthday had better be fucking huge.

In This Bittersweet Now

2008-11-05T13:23:00.003-06:00

I'm sorry to talk about the election, I really am. I know you're all electioned out. You don't have to read it if you don't want to, of course. And to be honest, it's kind of a downer. But I feel so mixed up right now. Or, a better word, bittersweet.

On one hand, all of the people/issues I voted for passed, which has never happened before. I've never voted for a winner (except for one senate race). My candidate for governor, Jay Nixon, won by a landslide (with 57% of the votes, I believe). Both of the issues I really cared about in my state (Proposition A which changed the rules about gambling, giving schools a shit ton more money, and Prop C, which had to do with renewable energy) both passed overwhelmingly.

And, of course, some dude won some race for president. I can't begin to describe the elation I felt when CNN first projected Obama as the winner. I immediately began crying because that's the only way I could get it out. I then saw MSNBC and Foxnews also report him the winner, and knew it had really happened. We had really voted for change. We had really voted against the tyranny and against four more years of the same failed policies.

And yes, we voted for a black man, which is huge. I personally didn't vote for or against him because of the color of his skin, but I understand some people did. If I were going to vote for someone based on a physical attribute, I would have voted for Hilary in the primaries. But I didn't.

And yet, along with the elation I felt, I also felt sorrow. Sorrow for John McCain. He was perfectly gracious, honorable, and strong during his concession speech, and it reminded me of the old John McCain. The John McCain who wasn't afraid to stand up for what he believed in, who wasn't afraid to reach across party lines, and who didn't put air quotes around "women's health." That was a guy I could have stood behind. That was a guy who could have helped heal this country after 8 years of such divisive partisanship. I feel badly for how poorly managed his campaign was, and I feel badly that he felt an inexperienced, unpolished, controversial woman could possibly be a good choice as a VP.

There are many other issues that killed my good feeling buzz as well. To quote my future sister in law's Facebook status "remembering the sounds of the campus last night, while people in California wake up to find out they aren't legally married anymore" I'm amazed that we've made so much progress that a black man was voted president, and yet we're still writing hate into the constitution. Not just in California, obviously, but also in Florida and Arizona.

I'm appalled. I'm truly appalled. It gives me a sick feeling in my stomach to think about the hatred and bigotry that's still occurring on a daily basis. I don't see how we could have come so far in civil rights, but are so backwards still. It sickens me that people would vote to take away our right to choose how to express love.

It just proves how far we still have to go. We've made progress, yes. Barack Obama is living proof of that. But until we stop discriminating against each other based on things that are out of our control (for example, the color of our skin or who we love)we can't move forward.

However, I'm hopeful. Hopeful about our future as a nation, hopeful we can come together to make a real change. We have the tools we need. We have a President-elect who's one of the most dynamic, exciting politicians in a long time. I truly hope he lives up to his promise, and I have no doubt he will. After all, Yes We Can.

I've Got A Halloweenhead

2008-11-03T05:00:00.000-06:00

I, for one, had an awesome Halloween. How was yours?

Little known fact: I'm only four feet tall.

Halloweenhead - Ryan Adams

We Are All Made Of Stars

2008-10-30T23:03:00.003-05:00

Happy Halloween, all. I'd like to go on the record saying I'm jealous of all of you in Orlando.

I've never been much of a dreamer. At least, I don't remember my dreams in the morning. Recently though, I've been having some bizarre dreams.

Some are obvious as to their meaning. Last night I had a dream where a customer at my store starting yelling at me, telling me I didn't know the difference between monk's cloth and broadcloth. I tried to explain that I did know if she would listen. Then she got mad because I said viscose was rayon. Have I mention that I'm taking a textiles class? And not doing so well in it?

Other dreams are harder to interpret. For instance, I was at a library with my boyfriend and he bought a poster from one of the librarians for $1,000. I got mad at him and made him return it, but they were only willing to give us credit towards a school fund raising catalog. So we had to pick out $1,000 in cheeses, sausages, and wrapping paper within a half an hour on a Supermarket Sweep type stage.

What the hell does that mean?

Love Of Mine

2008-10-15T23:22:00.002-05:00

Reason #4987 I love my boyfriend:

His bank has a points system (you spend money, get points, turn points into rewards) and he's been saving them for awhile. However, his bank is currently most likely getting bought out by some foreign company (one of the few big ones not being bailed out by the government) so he wanted to spend them in case the new owners got rid of the system.

His decision? A gift card for Morton's, a Starbucks gift card, and a gift card for Sephora.

He could have chosen Best Buy, or something for himself, but he chose two we both would enjoy and one just for me.

He can be really sweet sometimes.

Those People Were Overjoyed

2008-10-14T22:50:00.002-05:00

I had kind of an interesting weekend again.

It started off Saturday when we went to the Missouri Botanical Gardens to see the Niki sculpture exibit. It's not my kind of art, but it was interesting to see it at least. It doesn't hurt to learn new things occasionally.

Then we went to a fairly new casino here, Lumiere Place, which neither of us had been to before. For my birthday next month (November 13th, feel free to send presents) we're going to a restaurant there so I wanted a trial run, because last year on my birthday we couldn't find the restaurant we wanted so we drove around for an hour getting really lost. Anyway, I wanted to make sure we could find it, so we went to a place there called Burger Bar and I had my first taste of Kobe beef. It tasted like all other beef I've had.

After that we went to equal rights festival at a local college, which was mostly hippies sitting around singing songs. We then went to the grocery store and bought stuff for a cook out, since it was probably the last weekend we'd have temperatures in the 80s. My boyfriends brother grilled while my boyfriend set up his projector outside again. So we ate yummy food while watching Old School and playing Mario Party under the stars.

The next day, I had to work, but that evening I went out to a couple of bars with my coworkers. I don't get out a lot without my boyfriend, so it was nice to do something different. Especially at the second bar, where there was only a small group of us.

Monday I worked again, but monday night something wonderful happened. I went to my first Death Cab for Cutie concert. They've been one of my favorite bands (and my boyfriend's absolute favorite) for years and years, but we've never been able to go to a concert (mostly because they don't come here often) It was by far one of the best concerts I've ever been to. It was so exciting. I've never seen so many skinny jeans, plaid shirts, and converse in one place before. For those of you who care, this is a part of what they played:

The New Year
Bixby Canyon Bridge
Grapevine Fires
Soul Meets Body
I Will Follow You Into the dark
I Will Possess Your Heart
Cath
Marching Bands of Manhattan
Crooked Teeth
Long Division
No Sunlight
The Sound of Settling
Title and Registration
Tiny Vessels
Transatlanticism

All my favorite songs. They played more, but I can't remember the whole set list. I would have liked to hear A Lack of Color, but I'll live. I was surprised they played Transatlanticism, bands usually don't play their super long songs live, but it's by far my favorite of theirs. It made me cry. My boyfriend would have liked to hear What Sarah Said, but he'll live also. When they played I Will Follow You Into The Dark it was sort of surreal, they turned all the lights off except a single spotlight on Ben and the whole crowd sang along.

Oh yeah, and Fleet Foxes opened for them. If you're not familiar, they're almost like a choir that sings indie rock. They have amazing harmonies, which were even better live.

Transatlanticism - Death Cab For Cutie

Dreaming of Revelry

2008-10-10T05:00:00.002-05:00

I try not to talk about music too much here, because I'm constantly excited about something new. Blitzen Trapper, Joshua Radin, Ben Folds, The Stills, Low Vs. Diamond, Okkervil River, Glasvegas, TV On The Radio, and Cold War Kids are just a few of the bands with awesome new stuff I've been into lately. I know I tend to like weird stuff, or at least lesser known bands, so I don't try to spread the indie rock word, because I know it's not for everybody.

However, there is a particular new album out that is SO good. It's Only By The Night by Kings of Leon. You may be familiar with them from the song "Molly's Chambers," which was in a Volkswagen commercial awhile back. This album is so above and beyond that though. If you're a fan of rock music at all, I encourage you to check it out.

The first single off of the album is called Sex On Fire and it's one of the better songs I've heard in a long time. Plus, it's incredibly sexy. For real.

Sex On Fire - Kings Of Leon

I just keep listening to the cd over and over again.

I Got A Notion To Say What Doesn't Feel Right

2008-10-09T04:00:00.001-05:00

For the past few years people (especially my former coworkers) have been telling me "Hold off on getting married" They tell me to wait, there's no rush, etc. And I agree. For fuck's sake, I'm 23.

My new coworkers, however, are a different story. A 65 year old who works there part time told me I wasn't getting any younger.

Another told me if he hasn't proposed to me yet, he never would.

A third was shocked that I've been going out with him for five years and we weren't married. My response was that I'm still young, I have plenty of time. She said "You're not that young."

Christ. Why does everyone assume he's the one who doesn't want to get married? It could totally be me. For all they know, he's ready and I'm the one holding things up.

In actuality, it's both of us equally. But still.

People are weird. What's with the trying to convince me to get married?

I Find Something To Do

2008-10-06T05:00:00.000-05:00

I haven't done this in awhile, so here goes:

Eagle Eye
Summary via IMDB: Jerry and Rachel are two strangers thrown together by a mysterious phone call from a woman they have never met. Threatening their lives and family, she pushes Jerry and Rachel into a series of increasingly dangerous situations, using the technology of everyday life to track and control their every move.

My take- I feel this movie could have been really good. It had all the pieces it needed, including a super talented cast (Shia LeBeouf, Billy Bob Thornton, Rosario Dawson, Michelle Monaghan) and a superstar producer (Steven Spielberg). I think it started off really strong, with awesome action scenes, interesting characters, and great mystery and intrigue. However, somewhere along the line I feel it fell apart. The "twist" was something I've seen many, many times, and the ending was cheesy.

All and all, it was pretty good though. If you just watch it for the action sequences and acting, it's good. Just don't expect a lot of believability or originality.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
Summary Via IMDB:High school student Nick O'Leary, member of the Queercore band The Jerk Offs, meets college-bound Norah Silverberg and she asks him to be her boyfriend for five minutes.

My take- I thought this movie was really cute. I kind of think Michael Cera is one of those actors who plays himself, but I dig it. Kat Dennings is never anything but awesome and hot. It wasn't a super original plot line, but it was a somewhat believable one. There were plenty of laughs and awkward moments, especially from Norah's drunk friend.

For me, the music alone was enough to make me love it. Bishop Allen, Band of Horses, Modest Mouse, Takka Takka, Rogue Wave, We Are Scientists, Vampire Weekend, and Devendra Banhart were a few of the bands that had songs in the movie. If you're an indie rock fan, this movie is a treasure trove of goodness.

I'm Too Young To Feel This Old

2008-09-29T04:00:00.000-05:00

Things that are occupying my time (a.k.a. excuses for not blogging.)

1. My job. We've been really short staffed, so I've been working a solid six days a week. I like my job, I like getting paid, but fuck. It's wearing me out. Standing eight hours a day, nine or ten days in a row takes a lot out of you. On the positive side, I think I'm actually losing weight. I walk around in circles through our huge store over and over, so I guess that's doing it.

2. School. This is a really hard semester for me. I'm taking two classes that I've dropped before because they were too much work for me to do while also working. I'm not an architect. I've never wanted to be an architect. And yet, I have to take an intensive architecture class. It's going okay, I guess, but I spend a good deal of my time working on my floorplan.

3. My boyfriend. We've gone from seeing each other five or six days a week to maybe three if we're lucky. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be, but things should calm down at work soon, and next semester will be way easier.

4. I've suddenly developed a personal life. Today, for example, I went to a wedding shower. I spent all afternoon talking to women I hardly know and playing awkward games, and I actually enjoyed myself. What's up with that? Afterward, I had dinner with my boyfriend, his brother, and his brother's fiance then watched Slacker Uprising. We also hung out with them Saturday night. I worked all day Saturday day, then we had dinner with my boyfriend's family. Then the four of us drove to a mall that's almost an hour away so my boyfriend could get a certain kind of Dr. Pepper (Dublin- It's in a glass bottle and made from sugar cane), then drove across the whole town to get to a certain ice cream place. Then we caught up on the new season of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (which is totally funny again.) This is a really busy weekend for me. Usually my weekend involves a rented movie and dinner with my boyfriend.

So what have you been up to? What's been occupying your time?

I'm A Realist

2008-09-25T22:25:00.002-05:00

Take a picture of yourself right now. Don’t change your clothes, don’t fix your hair…just take a picture. Post that picture with NO editing. Post these instructions with your picture.

Things I would have fixed were not for this meme:
1. My arm fat roll
2. Cropped so you couldn't see the mess of my nightstand
3. Cropped so you couldn't see my mismatched pj's.

Being Here

2008-09-16T04:00:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a two parter.

First up, updating you on my brother. Thanks for all your comments and tweets previously.

He had a second surgery last Wednesday. They cut him open from the top of his rib cage to eight inches below that. He's a lot taller than me, I think my whole torso is eight inches. He's been in a lot of pain, but they released him yesterday and he seems to be doing okay. He's able to walk up and down stairs, he hasn't taken any pain pills since he got home, and he can eat whatever he wants.

It was so bizarre seeing him in the hospital. He was just so out of it. I've never even seen my parents in the hospital, so my brother was especially weird to see.

The surgeon thinks they got the whole tumor this time, so no chemo is necessary. But that could change, God knows.

__________________________________________________

Round Two: Avitable's Meme

My favorite age: 23... ha. I don't know, anytime between 21 and now

My best friend: Cheesy, but my boyfriend. Beyond that, Josh, and my boyfriend's brother and his fiance

My celebrity crush: Ryan Reynolds, Anderson Cooper, Gavin Rossdale, Kristen Bell, Isla Fisher, Megan Fox

My defining characteristic: Physically? My eyes. Or my boobs. Emotionally? Lordy. I think my sense of acceptingness. That isn't a word, but you get the drift. If we're friends, I don't care what you do, I'll still love you.

My most evil moment: Hmm I don't know. I honestly can't think of anything. I try to live peacefully

My favorite food: Fries, pie (apple, pecan, pumpkin), a really good filet, crab, lobster, asparagus

My grossest injury: My tooth went through my lip during a figure skating accident. It was the one and only time I needed stitches

My biggest hatred: hypocritical people (i.e. My family is off limits unless I'm parading them across the stage for my benefit)

My most illegal activity: speeding and giving alcohol to a minor. I don't commit a lot of crimes. Oh I sold cigarettes to freshman my senior year at a marked up rate.

My need for justice: Is fairly non existent. Pedophiles, rapists, etc obviously.

My most knowledgeable field: Art and design. I know a lot about color palettes and furniture and whatnot. I also know a lot about American History, for whatever reason.

My life's goal: Love and travel as much as possible

My mother's influence: unconditional love, willingness to lend a hand (although these also describe my grandma), concern and compassion for all

My nerdiest point: Huh. I don't know, I'm really cool. We tried to go to a midnight release party for one of the Harry Potters but there were too many people so we didn't stay

My oldest memory: Falling in the gym at my preschool and hitting my head. Also hiding under the table in the hallway at my preschool so I didn't have to go to school (clearly, my habits haven't changed all that much)

My perfect date: exploring something new. seeing a movie. good food and good conversation.

My unanswered question: There's many God related unanswered questions

My random fact: I'm really double jointed

My stupidest decision: Many. I suppose taking time off between colleges.

My favorite television show: Currently on air? Gossip Girl, The Office, How I Met Your Mother, Pushing Daisies, 30 Rock. Of all time? Gilmore Girls and Friends.

My style of underwear: Depends on what I'm wearing. Usually Victoria's secret v-string bikini (for example: and yes, I look just like that when I wear it), but I do wear thongs if necessary (this is a lie, if a thong is needed, I just don't wear underwear. I do own thongs though.)

My favorite vegetable: Asparagus, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower

My weakest trait: I'm impatient and easily irritated

My X-men power: I'd like to be able to heal myself like Wolverine

My strongest yearning: To love and be loved

My moment of Zen: Mine's almost the same as Avitable's: Driving fast at night with the windows down and music blasting. For me, my boyfriend is the one driving, but I'm sitting in the passenger seat. Picture that Volkswagen commercial with Pink Moon.

I'll Just Make The Same Mistake

2008-09-09T05:00:00.001-05:00

What do you do when you see a friend making a big mistake? Do you speak up? Or are you just the supportive friend in the aftermath of the mistake?

(I'm going to go on the record saying these are hypotheticals. Ahem.)

Say, for example, if a friend of yours is getting married, but she's only twenty. Her wedding will be the summer between her junior and senior years of college. Clearly, you can't speak up here. You can't say, "You're way too young." You can't say "If he really loves you, he'll still be there in a year, after you graduate from college." You can't do these things because it's her life to live. It's her mistake to make. And who's to say it is a mistake? Maybe you're overly cynical about marriage and commitment. Maybe she really is in love and it will last. So instead, you help her pick out a wedding dress, you proclaim to love the location she's chosen, and you of course agree to be a bridesmaid.

Now (again, hypothetically), what if a different friend was thinking about getting back together with an ex. An ex who cheated on your friend, and left him crushed and even more untrusting. Say that this ex then went on to trash talk him to their friends, blame everything on him, and generally act like a not nice person. This friend of yours tells you about his possible intentions towards his ex. Do you say something here? You don't want to be the jackass that talks badly about the ex, and then they get back together, and all your friend can remember is what horrible things you said about the person they love. Also, who's to say the ex hasn't changed? Maybe she's turned a new leaf. Maybe you're again being over cynical. But you also don't want to see this person make the same mistake twice. After all, it doesn't hurt any less the second time around. So do you say something? Or do you grit your teeth and say good luck?

I second guess everything in my own life, I suck even worse at advising other people how to live theirs. I'm all for giving people space and letting them choose their own path. If it's right, it's right. I'm not going to be the person to talk you out of making a mistake, but I will be the one there afterward, holding your hand. These mistakes we make shape us into who we are.

The moral of the story is, I suck at giving advice.

Walking Contradiction

2008-08-28T23:32:00.003-05:00

I'm fairly self sufficient. I can change a tire, rewire a light, etc. On the other hand, I like it when doors are held for me and to be told I'm pretty. Do these ideas oppose each other?

I've been thinking about these things today after a conversation with a coworker. She suggested that I have the guys at the auto repair store install new windshield wipers, which she assured me they'd be happy to do if I played the damsel and batted my eyelashes.

This was appalling to me. I don't understand how in a society like the one we have now, someone could still hold the belief that playing the damsel is still the best way to get something done. A woman was placed in nomination to be the president of our country, and I'm still excepted to bat my eyelashes and play the helpless female to get what I want?

Then I realized the hypocrisy of my disgust. It's not like I've never used my "wiles" to get what I want. I'm not above wearing a low cut shirt and leaning on the bar a certain way to get the attention of a male bartender (or female- whatever gets me the vodka quicker). In 7th grade I didn't do one project in shop by myself. A certain guy was willing to help me out (meaning: do it all) for a smile.

But where do you draw the line? What's right, and what's wrong?

I think for me, I do what I can for myself. I can install my own windshield wipers, but I can't make my own drink at the bar. I won't rely on a man, or anyone, to something for me that I can do for myself.

This is not to say I don't enjoy a bit of chivalry. I do like to have the door held open for me, I like it when a guy buys me a drink.

I think this is what we call a double standard.

Free To Decide

2008-08-25T22:32:00.002-05:00

I try not to talk about politics a lot. But everyone's been talking about the very important election, so it's hard to ignore all the buzz and drama.

I've seen dirty politics, I've seen attempts at bribery. I'm shocked at the begging and pleading, and cheap attempts to win votes

One candidate has risen above the others, and is the clear choice for me. He's a man that stands on honor and integrity

He'll also send you a picture of his balls without provocation.

Yes, that's right. For me, Adam Avitable is the best choice for the Hot Male Blogger calender. Go here to vote, and help make history.

Half The Fun Is That I Can't Keep Up

2008-08-25T04:00:00.001-05:00

How was your weekend?

Mine was crazy fun. It started early Saturday when we drove up to Springfield, IL (4 hours round trip). We went to the Obama/Biden rally. It meant so many different things to me that it's hard to describe. The sense of community, the feelings of pride in a candidate, just the sheer excitement were almost overwhelming. People were truly moved by what these candidates had to say. In all reality, I was voting for Obama one way or the other, but it was still nice to hear the speeches in person (even if it was one billion degrees outside)

After we made the trek back to St. Louis, we went to a housewarming party for a friend who's in college. We were the oldest people there, which is a great feeling. I know I'm kind of a loser, but I haven't really been to that many college parties. My boyfriend and I spend most of our time watching movies, we don't get out much. So it was interesting to see the dynamics between drunken coeds. Oh, and my boyfriend spent most of the time in my friend's bedroom, fixing her computer. He's a party animal.

Sunday we spend part of the afternoon at my favorite lunch place. It's a meal that drags on for a long time (in a good way!. We split the cheese and sausage platter, then got dessert. We're nothing but healthy.

We spent the rest of the weekend curled up in bed watching Joan of Arcadia and Dexter (season 2). (Which we're no where near done yet). Then we went to the movies and saw The Rocker, which was so-so. It was super predictable and average, but I didn't hate it. I love Rainn Wilson and Teddy Geiger, so it's all good.

What'd you do this weekend?

2008-08-18T05:00:00.000-05:00

Growing up, my brother and I were pretty opposite. We still are, but in different ways. He was rambunctious, got in trouble a lot, and my parents had to put him into a ton of different sports so he had an outlet for all that energy.

I was shy, liked nothing more than sitting inside and reading, and my parents put me into ballet so I would have to socialize with other kids.

We switched rolls as we got older. He became quieter, more focused, and less social. I went a bit wild in high school, spent all my time with boys and partying.

Throughout the years, I've been the emotional one, while he stands there stoic. We've had a bad couple of years in my family, from my parents divorce to my grandfather dying.

And now, as I tweeted a bit ago, my 27 year old brother has stomach cancer.

It started around Fourth of July. The day before, he started throwing up blood while at work. They admitted him to the hospital, and kept him several days for observation.

It turned out he had a tumor in his stomach. It had encapsulated, so that was a positive.

Yesterday they operated on him to remove the tumor, and they say they got about 90% of it out. They'll know more in a few days as to what the next course of action is.

But he's doing alright. He's taking it all in stride. I think he's going to be just fine.

Closer to the Point

2008-08-15T12:35:00.003-05:00

I've kept this blog to myself. No one I know outside of the blogging community knows about it, and I like it that way. Not because I'm embarrassed, but because if someone I knew was reading it, I'd edit myself too much. I want to be able to talk about my family, or my boyfriend, without risk of hurting their feelings.

However, my boyfriend and I have started a blog. It's mostly going to be rants, to be honest. I haven't talked much about the eccentricities of my boyfriend here, but let's just say he's crazy. He has his own way of looking at things, and his own ideas about the world, and those ideas don't usually match up with how other people think.

I'd like to keep this blog private from him. I want it to be more of a personal blog, where the other one will be more opinions and articles. So, please come and join us at Closer to the Point, but if possible, don't mention this blog.

Treat them as two separate entities from each other.

But please, visit us there. It'll mean the world to him if he knows people are reading his words.

One of These Days

2008-08-11T12:33:00.003-05:00

I know I'm a geek, but I'm psyched for school to start again. I was actually a bit disappointed that it starts so late this year (The last week of August). I think it helps that I'm majoring in something I really love, instead of just going to college for the sake of going to college, which was how I started out.

This semester is also freaking me out a bit. I'm taking textiles, which is as boring as it sounds. Actually, probably more boring than it sounds. But I suppose I understand why it's important. The class that has me worried is Architectural Design and Production. It's essentially designing a house over the course of the semester. It should be interesting, but I'm not nearly anal enough to be an architect, so these classes are always killer for me. (And I'm REALLY anal.)

I will soon be the proud owner of this beauty:

It should make for an interesting semester.

On a side, but related, note, a classmate of mine, Rachel, has been nominated for the Glamour Woman of the Year award. She's a three time cancer survivor who was nominated because of all the work she's done with cancer charities and whatnot. You can read more here.
Please go vote for her, it will only take a minute of your time.

Do You Ever Wonder, What Could Happen Under, Under The Umbrella Tree

2008-08-04T03:00:00.000-05:00

I've had a couple of awesome reminders of my childhood. First, I was flipping through tv and Reading Rainbow was on PBS. LeVar Burton was still the host. That's nuts. I looked him up on IMDB and he was the host from 1983-2005. 22 years hosting Reading Rainbow. That's amazing. The song still had the same lyrics, but it wasn't the same tune. It's been stuck in my head since then and I'm driving my boyfriend crazy singing it.

Second, DListed posted about Gummi Bears today, including the theme video.

I think if I had to rank them, Gummi Bears would definitely fall in my top 5 tv shows from when I was a kid.

1. Under The Umbrella Tree
2. Kids, Incorporated
3. Gummi Bears
4. Garfield and Friends
5. Rugrats
6. Clarissa Explains It All
7. CatDog
8. Angry Beavers
9. Doug
10 Hey Arnold

Yes, I know I said five, but I thought of 10, so whatever.

What were your favorite shows as a kid?

Put Your Right Hand On My Heart

2008-08-01T09:55:00.004-05:00

I had a kind of funny experience Wednesday. It's not quite as funny since you don't know my boyfriend, but let me try to explain. As much as we love each other, we're very different people. He's very buttoned up and introverted. He's quiet, doesn't drink, and prefers nothing more than to sit inside playing video games or watching a movie. I, on the other hand, am more relaxed. I like to go out and see people and experience new things.

One area where we find common ground is music, for the most part. Death Cab, Jason Mraz, The Shins, Sufjan Stevens, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Snow Patrol are a few of the bands that we both love. However, we also diverge there.

He prefers more pop oriented rock, like Barenaked Ladies, Matchbox 20, Train, etc. I like more classic rock like The Who, and bands from the 90s, like STP, Foo Fighters, etc. I don't mind it getting a little loud, where he certainly does mind. He likes his music to be relaxing. I don't disagree, but I also find music to be invigorating, calming, exciting, and all sorts of other emotions. It means more to me than almost anything.

There's a fairly new band that I absolutely love called the Whigs. They are everything a rock band should be, to me anyway. They have so much energy, so much heart, catchy songs, and they make me happy. Here's an awesome performance of them on David Letterman.

Anyway, they came to town on Wednesday, opening for the Toadies. He's not a huge fan of the Whigs, but he was alright because I told him we could leave during the Toadies (who he had never heard of, including Possum Kingdom.)

So he sat patiently through the Whigs, and the audience was fairly calm during the performance. Then, the Toadies came on, and everyone went crazy. We sat in the bar area, which is normally calm, with people sitting, smoking, and drinking. The people who want to jump around and scream are usually in the pit area.

Not at this concert. Everyone was jumping, yelling, and dancing. We got up to try to leave, but we were pretty much trapped by the wall of loud bodies. While the Toadies were preforming Happyface, my poor Gap wearing, button down shirt/khakis outfitted boyfriend was stuck between tattoo laden, leather wearing big beefy guys.

It was the funniest moment of my life.

His discomfort was oozing, his posture was rigid. We finally got out, but he was not happy. It was good stuff.

I'm pretty sure he'll never trust me to go to a concert of a band he doesn't know again, but it was worth it to see the look on his face as the Toadies and the audience shouted "If I could find the will to kill, well I'd kill you son of a bitch"

This supports his theory that change and the unknown are bad.

I think he'll survive though, and be fine when we see Joshua Radin next week. Joshua's pretty much the opposite style of music, so hopefully this will restore his faith in concerts.

Twenty First Century's Yesterday

2008-07-27T22:47:00.003-05:00

My boyfriend's car has been slowly crapping out for a while now, and recently he found out it needed $3000+ worth of work on it. He only had it for five years, but he put more than a 150,000 miles on it through various trips to Colorado, Kansas City, Orlando, plus dozens of trips between St. Louis and Columbia when I went to Mizzou. So we decided it wasn't worth it to fix it up, and went car shopping.

The car he purchased came with six months of free Sirius radio. We've been having fun playing around it with it (All Springsteen, all the time!)

But when it came down to it, all we want to listen to was the 80s station and the 90s station. This is a bad sign, right? Every time I turn it on the top 40 station I only recognize a few of the songs, and that's just because they're on at work. My boyfriend doesn't know any of them. However, we know all the words when INXS is on, so that's something to be proud of.

I feel like my parents, when I was a kid they only listened to the classic rock station. I guess no music is better than what you listened to during your formative years.

Collapse Into Me Tired With Joy

2008-07-21T10:52:00.004-05:00

It's interesting how we all express our love in different ways. I hear about guys do big romantic gestures and that's so not something my boyfriend would do. I wouldn't want him to, either. I'm okay with knowing quietly that he loves me. I don't need big, loud expressions of it.

He uses his talents to express this in interesting ways. Although his job is technically in the IT field, he does all sorts of projects for his firm, including making short, informational movies for conferences. He doesn't have the resources there to film a lot of different things, unless it takes place at a law firm. So he does a lot of things with animation, and he's getting pretty good at it.

He makes little movies for me, too. Not super involved things, but he took my favorite animated character (Butters), and had him preform my favorite Snow Patrol song, guitar and all, alongside an animated version of himself while I saw in the audience.

Most recently, he animated a cartoon version of my favorite singer (Jason Mraz) preforming my favorite song (I'm Yours). He took the time to look up the chords and the finger placements on the guitar, so the animated Jason is playing the correct notes.

It may not seem like much, but I know how long it must have taken him to do all this. He did it just to make me happy. That's one of the million reasons that let me know he loves me.

Drift Away

2008-07-18T11:42:00.001-05:00

I'm going to combine two memes today, but they have a similar theme, so get over it.

First, a little while ago, everyone had that Wordle thing showing what words they use the most on their blog. I saw a new one going around where you go here, and then here, and get a word huddle about your Last.fm profile. So here it is.

Do you think I like Jason Mraz?

The second meme also involves music. It's the soundtrack of my life:

Opening credits: Chocolate- Snow Patrol

It’s inspiring and cheerful. Mostly.

Waking up: From the Morning- Nick Drake

Average day: Here It Goes Again- Ok Go

First date: The Fear That You Won’t Fall- Joshua Radin

Falling in Love: You and Both- Jason Mraz

It’s not the most romantic song in the world, but it’s what we were listening to when we fell in love. On the surface it sounds romantic.

Love Scene: I’m Yours- Jason Mraz

What’s not to love?

Fight Scene: When Anger Shows- Editors

Breaking up: No One’s Gonna Love You- Band Of Horses

It’s so sweet and sad

Getting Back Together: I Hear The Bells- Mike Doughty

This is the song that was playing when Logan got drunk and talked to Veronica about how their love is epic. It’s possibly my favorite scene from a tv show, ever.

Secret Love: Hold You In My Arms- Ray LaMontagne

This song doesn’t remind me of anything in particular, but it sounds so sad to me.

Life’s Okay: Flowers In The Window- Travis

Mental Breakdown: Walk In Fire- Doves

Driving: Nothing Better- The Postal Service

Learning A Lesson: Tell Me Something I Don’t Know- The Thrills

Deep Thought: The Weight Of The World- Editors

I don’t know what it is, but this song speaks to me on so many levels. It makes me want to cry. And smile. And close my eyes.

Flashback: The Past And Pending- The Shins

Partying: Four To The Floor- Starsailor

Happy Dance: Are You Gonna Be My Girl- Jet

Regretting: Silence Is Easy- Starsailor

Long Night Alone: Gobbledigook- Sigur Ros

Death Scene: Hallelujah- Rufus Wainwright

Closing Credits: I Will Follow You Into The Dark- Death Cab for Cutie

Dressing Up to Touch All This

2008-07-18T10:30:00.003-05:00

There is a phenomenon today that completely confuses me. It's dressing up in character to go see a movie. I'm not making fun of you if this is something you do (well... maybe a little.) I'm really just confused at the reasons behind it.

Are you trying to prove what a fan you are? The fact that you're at that movie at the midnight opening is pretty good proof.

Are you just so excited you don't know how to express it?

I've only see this happen a few times. I wasn't at the movie people were dressed up for, but it's hard not to notice the pointy ears and masks. I think the only movies I've seen people dress up for are Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and Harry Potter. I've heard there were people dressed up last night for the Dark Knight.

Actually, I have a second question. This one isn't as confusing, but still. Why do you wait for hours to go see a movie at midnight? Several of my friends went last night to see the Dark Knight. It'll still be playing tomorrow, when you don't have to wait in line for hours and no one (hopefully) will be wearing a batsuit?

Is the sense of superiority you have for seeing it 12 hours before everyone else that gratifying?

Some Trust In Faith

2008-07-10T01:26:00.000-05:00

I am astounded on a daily basis at how much people trust my opinion, simply because I wear a name tag. People will call the store, ask me which cabinet I prefer, whether I like glass or wood doors, then order it, based on my opinion.

Yes, I have an art and design background. These people don't know this, though. I've only worked there for a few weeks, I could know literally nothing about furniture.

I experienced this to some degree in the optical business. At least there I understood it though. I can see your face and tell you which frames look the best, based on the shape, skin tone, size, etc. I can tell by the way you dress, what you do for a living, which kind of car you drive. All these tell me your style, whether it be trendy or classic.

I can't, however, see your house. I can't see the colors, the other furniture, the height of the ceiling, the amount of natural vs artificial light. I don't know if you like Queen Anne, mid century modern, or French country.

I'm just amazed that people trust my word so implicitly without even coming into the store to see the pieces for themselves.

I guess it's easier just to ask me than to have to make a decision on your own?