They Will See Us Waving From Such Great Heights

I'm going through a weird period of life right now. I'm having huge highs and devastating lows at regular intervals. (And no, not in the bipolar way).

For instance, at work. I had my promotion. Things with that are going well, and I've recieved a lot of postive feedback from my superiors, including fancy pants corporate people. I've made good friends with the two other people in my position, and have been spending a lot of time with them outside of work, with margaritas in hand. I even went with one as a date to a wedding. This sort of thing is hard for me, I'm just not good as socializing and making new friends, especially with girls, but I'm really making an effort here.

But at the same time, people are being fired left and right. It's getting tense. No one's doing anything wrong, per say, just the economy. We used to have 9 sales associates and now there's 3. Every time the phone rings and its work calling, I'm sure I'm being fired. I try to convince myself that I'll be one of the last fired, as I'm in a management position and I bring a little more to the table than the average employee with my background in design, which they utilize often. But that's probably just wishful thinking, there have been many people that were fired that I never saw coming.

Things in my relationship are also up and down. We're going through a lot of stuff that I don't really want to talk about, but it's rough. Basically we want different things out of life, and it's hard to find the right compromise. I honestly think we'll be okay, but again, who knows. There are no guarantees in life, especially with love. And there's so much love there, it should be able to survive this rough patch. Mostly we're okay. 90% of the time, things are perfect. It's that other 10% of the time that breaks my heart.

While we're going through this, we're planning a huge vacation. Bigger than any we've done before. I'm super psyched about it, and Lord knows I love planning things. Anything that gives me a chance to research and organize is great. I'm hoping this isn't just something to distract us from our problems though, like when people don't want to get a divorce so they have a baby instead. And I don't really think that it is, but again, I can only know my intentions, I can't read Mike's mind.

So, basically, I'm at a crossroads. I'm someone who likes to be 100% sure about things, and everything in my life right now is up in the air. It's hard for me to come to terms with the fact that I'm not in control right now.


Avitable said...

It can be hard to have that type of instability - I know what you mean about trying to plan something when you're trying to fix something else. Is your vacation a trip to Florida?

Robin said...

I'm in a similar type of place but different things. I feel so uneasy about my life and I feel I have absolutely no control right now. Hang in there, I keep telling msyelf things have to turn around eventually.

Josh said...

I think every relationship reaches a point like that and it will take a lot of work to make it through it. But if I had to point to one person that would be able to do that, it's you. Hang in there and you know my number if you ever need to talk.

Hannah said...

Uncertainty is very scary, particularly when it comes to the two major areas in ones life-Career and relationships. Perhaps you can think of some 'back up plans'just in case things go awry.
I hope it all works out for the best for you.:)

Hannah said...

Oh and high five on the Postal Service reference in your blog title! Great band!:)

Poppy said...

You cannot take ownership of the fact that you still have a job while others don't. Keep on believing your job is secure... but make sure your resume is polished just in case. It's not fair to you to assume you're next on the chopping block, that really affects most people's work in a negative way so you have to put that worry aside in order to keep being a valued employee.

As for relationship: Good for you for trying to work it out. If it does work out then that is awesome. If it doesn't then it just means it's time to move on to the next chapter. And planning a huge vacation is only a distraction from fixing your issues if you let it be. You can work on your issues *and* plan an awesome vacation!

Amanda said...

Avitable- No, we've been to florida before. We're going to London, Dublin, and Paris. Most likely.

Robin- I do believe things will turn around. I mean, one way or the other they have to, even if it's not the result I want.

Josh- aw, you're sweet. And I do believe I know your number, although apparently I've forgotten how to dial a phone.

Hannah- Thanks, and I like anything involving Ben Gibbard

Poppy- I'm like 90% sure I won't get fired. I try not to think about it, because theres not much I can do either way

Faiqa said...

Ohhh, I'm not good with the high/low life either. I prefer even keel. But, life doesn't work out that way. As for work, I second Poppy.