You Might Say It's Self Destructive

I've been having a lot of health problems recently.

I've been rundown, tired, and sick a lot. Every cold I came near, I contracted. I couldn't sleep. I slept too much. I could barely keep my eyes open in the afternoon. I had no motivation. I was bruising easily. My hair and skin were dry. The former was falling out, the latter was flaky.

Along with a few other issues I'm having, Dr. Google told me I had a thyroid problem.

Okay, I can handle that. So I went to a real doctor (because, really, have we even seen Dr. Google's credentials?) and got lots and lots of blood drawn to test.

I don't have a thyroid problem. Suck it, Google.

What I do have? Malnourishment. I'm anemic, vitamin D deficient, calcium deficient, and a bunch of other types of deficient.

Which is nothing, really. I mean, when it comes down to it, I just need to start eating.

I guess I probably don't eat enough pretty often. I forget to eat a lot. If I'm alone, it seems like too much hassle to make food. Plus, if you drink enough coffee, you hardly get hungry at all.

I have a dodgy history with food. I was bulimic as a teenager. I had issues with malnourishment even earlier, in middle school. I was anemic and had to take supplements and get blood drawn regularly, due to my crazy dieting at such a vulnerable age.

I can't eat a lot of food. Dairy and gluten make my stomach hurt. Meat grosses me out. I eat it, certainly. But I can't think about it or look at it too closely.

But I need to start eating.

To borrow from a cliche, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hate getting my blood drawn, which I apparently am supposed to start doing again.

I have a bunch of prescription strength supplements I have to take. Crazy doses, like 50,000IU caplets of Vitamin D, where the normal supplement amount is 100IU.

I'm struggling with this. I made a hamburger for lunch today, which is not my favorite, but I need protein. I used beef and veggies in dinner, too. More protein. Even with all that, I didn't even clear 1,000 calories. More than 300 of those were from my coffee and whiskey (not at the same time).

I'm also going to see a therapist. I've never had counseling before, but my first appointment is on Thursday.

I've started tracking my food again, which I had stopped doing. I'm using MyFitnessPal this time, mostly because I'm a follower.

I need to break my bad habits. I've been failing at this for more than a decade, and it needs to stop.


Josh said...

I am going to call you so I can figuratively point my finger at you. Not really, but I will keep on you. We can do all this change stuff together! I'm running a marathon (wtf!) but we can motivate each other. Motivation -- hard for both of us. You know I love you, so I won't yell.

Poppy said...

Back when I was going through my divorce I had this same problem... malnourishment. It was just a really stressful time, even *with* therapy. I hope you're able to get healthy again.

And protein comes in way more forms than just things that come from an animal. I don't care if you tell me you don't like tofu, you can make it taste delicious.

Avitable said...

You need protein, eh? Hmm. Come back to Orlando and I'll fix that.

Robin said...

Figures. You need to eat more and I need to eat less.

Amanda said...

Josh- We could motivate like in Billy Madison. You be Billy, I'll be Chris Farley.

Poppy- There's certainly tasty tofu out there.

Adam- Did you have meat that I should taste?

Robin- Let's trade!

Avitable said...

Really? Did you really just ask that? Sigh.

jess; [the bottle chronicles] said...


I also forget to eat, a lot. Or I'm too focus feeding someone else.

I'm proud of you <3