I Alone

DISCLAIMER: This is not me judging you, or your life decisions.

Last night at my company Christmas party, I took a figurative bullet for the new guy who works there. Upon discovering he's been dating his girlfriend for two years, the older ladies all started squawking over him, asking what his plans were for the future.

I jumped in and commented on how two years wasn't that long. And it's not. Not when you're 21, and your girlfriend is 20. They're both in college. Why the pressure? They need to grow up, discover who they are, and where they want to be.

Anyway, that made all the ladies all turn their attention to me. It seems unfathomable to them that I could date the same guy for more than seven years and still not be married. Or have plans for marriage. Or even want to get married.

But really, aside from better health insurance, what does being married get me? This isn't 1965. Being married isn't my only chance at being at to make a living for myself. I don't need a man to get things done.

What does marriage even mean anymore? With the rampant divorce rate and the utterly repulsive denial of equal rights to everyone, marriage isn't something that means that much to me, especially if marriage is defined as "the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc" I'm sorry, but that just doesn't sound like something I'm dying to do.

Whenever someone changes their relationship status to engaged, people comment on their wall with things like "Welcome to the club!" or "Now you're one of us!." So, I could also join a cult and get the same sort of reception.

This is not me judging you if you're married. In fact, I think it's great that you're married. I'm happy that you've found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

I'm just tired of being judged because I haven't followed the same path.

I get the sense that a lot of people are getting married because it's what you're supposed to do, and because they don't want to be left behind all their married friends.

Why is it so unacceptable of me to be comfortable in my relationships as it is? I don't doubt our commitment to each other. I love our partnership. I don't think what we have deserves any less respect just because it hasn't been verified by the state of Missouri.

I'm not saying I won't ever get married. In fact, I probably will. I like to experience new things. But it's not the end goal for me, either. And I don't get what's so wrong with that.


Poppy said...

The reason I got married the first time was because it was what I was supposed to do.

If I get married again it will be for reasons that are right for me.

You don't need to defend other people's choices to not get married... or even your own.

LeSombre said...

Marriage is an institution. Who wants to spend their life in an institution?

(I've been married 15 years).


Avitable said...

So, does that mean you won't marry me, either? Damn it.

Kevin said...

I really want you to join a cult and blog about it. Pretty please??

Amanda said...

Poppy- I know I don't have to, it's just hard when people ask about it constantly

LeSombre- Because you got married for the right reasons!

Avitable- Well, for you I'd consider it.

Kevin- I am a fan of kool aid...

Robin said...

I'm totally with you and of course I'm actually married. I always felt the same as you and I still do, the only reasons I did it was
a. health insurance (he lost his from his ex and his by himself would have been a fortune)
b. I wanted to be considered his family, sounds weird and kind of dumb but there it is.
c. After the 3 year long divorce from his first wife it was something that built up inside of me, which makes no sense at all but only someone who lives through that kind of shit can know what it does to you.

I'm proud of you, you need to do what works for you, too many people do what they think they are supposed to do and not what feels right for them.