Yesterday my boyfriend had food poisoning and spent all day throwing up. Here's a string of texts we sent each other last night. I'm nothing if not a supportive girlfriend.
Mike: (5:34) I threw up again. Say kind things at my funeral.
Amanda: (5:35) You want me to lie?
M: (5:40) Of course
A: (7:02) Are you still alive?
(7:17) I guess you're dead then. I'm sad that you died.
(7:21) I've started working on your eulogy. It's going to be legen
(7:32) While I'm speaking, I'll put 20 seconds on the clock to see how many comments I can come up with
(7:39) I'll eat buffalo wings while I do it as an homage to your love of chicken.
(7:42) I'll get the sauceless kind from KFC because I know you don't like to be messy.
(7:46) Plus, I need to look good because I'll be trolling for a new boyfriend and can't do that with sauce on my face.
M: (7:50) Not dead.
A: (7:51) Do you mean like undead? Because I have a plan of attack if need be.
M: (7:56) Not a zombie. Just throwing up.
A: (7:58) Huh. Well, that's anticlimactic.
- ► 2010 (21)
- ► 2009 (27)
- ► 2008 (90)