Dead or Alive

Yesterday my boyfriend had food poisoning and spent all day throwing up. Here's a string of texts we sent each other last night. I'm nothing if not a supportive girlfriend.

Mike: (5:34) I threw up again. Say kind things at my funeral.

Amanda:  (5:35) You want me to lie?

M: (5:40) Of course

A:  (7:02) Are you still alive?

     (7:17) I guess you're dead then. I'm sad that you died.

     (7:21) I've started working on your eulogy. It's going to be legen

     (7:25) dary

     (7:32) While I'm speaking, I'll put 20 seconds on the clock to see how many comments I can come up with

     (7:39) I'll eat buffalo wings while I do it as an homage to your love of chicken.

     (7:42) I'll get the sauceless kind from KFC because I know you don't like to be messy.

     (7:46)  Plus, I need to look good because I'll be trolling for a new boyfriend and can't do that with sauce on my face.

M: (7:50) Not dead.

A: (7:51) Do you mean like undead? Because I have a plan of attack if need be.

M: (7:56) Not a zombie. Just throwing up.

A: (7:58) Huh. Well, that's anticlimactic.



shiny said...

You are so writing my eulogy.

Either that, or you're so stabbing me in the skull with a fork once I become undead.

Either way? It'll be a wonderful tribute.

Sarah said...

You show support like.

We are so the most supportive girlfriends ever.

Sarah said...

You show support like ME. Jeez that's what I get for typing and telling Vahid what to do.

Avitable said...

I love the four minutes between "legen" and "dary". That made me laugh hilariously.

Robin said...

I'm going to show this to Manly Man so he can see that I'm not the only one who talks to their SO this way.

Anonymous said...

He's a lucky guy.