Do you ever feel like the world is crashing down on your head? And you try to push through the rubble to find a bit of sunlight and air, but when you do push through you find there's just more rubble and darkness?
I try to be a positive person. I try to look at the bright side. I enjoy lightness and humor. I try to help when I can, and even when I can't.
But goddamn, what a sucktastic few days.
It started early Saturday upon hearing of Lisa's passing. One of the reasons I felt connected to Lisa was because of our shared mantra, it is what it is. I've always tried to live by that standard, as a way of not over reacting, of accepting life and all it's quirks and complexities. I keep it close to me and repeat it as necessary throughout the day.
Then a good friend was in a car accident and is still hospitalized with a punctured lung and lots of broken bones.
Then my boyfriend dropped a bombshell on me on Sunday that I cannot even begin to fathom and absorb, that I'm nowhere near being able to discuss, or even comprehend. I don't know what it's ramifications and implications will be, but my guess is that they will not be positive (and no, he didn't cheat on me)
Soon after that, we found out his grandma has intestinal cancer. It's still early, so we don't know details or the prognosis or anything.
Then I found out a good friend was dumped by her boyfriend when she told him she was pregnant. Upstanding fellow, yes?
So what do I do? I try to push on. I missed class Monday morning, because putting on clothes seemed like an awful lot of work. I spent all day cleaning and moving furniture, because that's better than thinking, and sulking, and processing.
But I don't work again until Thursday (Thank you, economy) so I have a lot of free time to sit around, and only so much furniture to be moved.
So what do I do tomorrow?
In the Aeroplane Over the Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel