But For Now We Are Young

Do you ever feel like the world is crashing down on your head? And you try to push through the rubble to find a bit of sunlight and air, but when you do push through you find there's just more rubble and darkness?

I try to be a positive person. I try to look at the bright side. I enjoy lightness and humor. I try to help when I can, and even when I can't.

But goddamn, what a sucktastic few days.

It started early Saturday upon hearing of Lisa's passing. One of the reasons I felt connected to Lisa was because of our shared mantra, it is what it is. I've always tried to live by that standard, as a way of not over reacting, of accepting life and all it's quirks and complexities. I keep it close to me and repeat it as necessary throughout the day.

Then a good friend was in a car accident and is still hospitalized with a punctured lung and lots of broken bones.

Then my boyfriend dropped a bombshell on me on Sunday that I cannot even begin to fathom and absorb, that I'm nowhere near being able to discuss, or even comprehend. I don't know what it's ramifications and implications will be, but my guess is that they will not be positive (and no, he didn't cheat on me)

Soon after that, we found out his grandma has intestinal cancer. It's still early, so we don't know details or the prognosis or anything.

Then I found out a good friend was dumped by her boyfriend when she told him she was pregnant. Upstanding fellow, yes?

So what do I do? I try to push on. I missed class Monday morning, because putting on clothes seemed like an awful lot of work. I spent all day cleaning and moving furniture, because that's better than thinking, and sulking, and processing.

But I don't work again until Thursday (Thank you, economy) so I have a lot of free time to sit around, and only so much furniture to be moved.

So what do I do tomorrow?

In the Aeroplane Over the Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel


Avitable said...

Those are the days that you grab a ton of chocolate, go in the dark bedroom alone, eat, watch TV, and sleep. And when you wake up, you'll feel better. Hope everything's okay with the boyfriend - you can always email me if you need to talk or need advice or something.

ajooja said...

I'm with Adam. Find whatever helps and go for it.

I'm facing a second round of pay cuts in a couple of weeks. One of my brother-in-laws is going to die from cancer any day now. Our financial situation is horrible.

If I wasn't taking Paxil, I don't know what I'd do. I'm not necessarily suggesting everyone with mounting problems should be on some kind of drug, but I know it helps me.

Hannah said...

That sucks! I feel bad for you.
But at least your talking about the things that are bothering you, rather than bottling it up. Go out for coffee with a friend to talk and see if that helps.:)

Robin said...

I must prescribe some vodka, chocolate and lots of snacks including cookies and chips. ((hugs))

Poppy said...

It's none of my business, but my brain just said that your boyfriend got a really great job somewhere you'd never move to.

No matter what, I'm giving you a really big, long hug.

Amanda said...

Avitable- Oh, chocolate is being consumed. And thank you, I appreciate the offer.

Ajooja- Oh wow, I'm sorry about your brother-in- law, I hope your family is okay

Hannah-I'm usually a bottle it up person, this is new for me

Robin- Vodka does always help

Poppy- Unfortunately, that's not it. I'd follow him anywhere. But I do appreciate the hug.