The Vast Ravine, Right In Between

I was supposed to have lunch today with two friends. One I know well, and spend a lot of time with. The other was hosting the lunch at her house. I used to work with her, and we were close at the time, but I haven't talked to her much since she left about 6 months ago.

This morning my close friend called and said she couldn't come because she had to wait for the A/C repair man.

The panic began to set it.

It's not like I don't know K (the hostess). We worked together for six months, and in many ways she was like a mentor to me. She did all the visual displays in the store, and I learned a ton from her. So why was I apprehensive to spend time alone with her?

It was too late for me to cancel, I knew she had already done the shopping and preparing for lunch.

I drove over with butterflies in my stomach. I just knew it was going to be awkward. I'd have nothing to say, she'd think I'm boring, etc.

Of course, the second K opened the door, I knew it was fine. She gave me a tour of her breathtakingly beautiful home, and we sat and talked for two hours over lunch without a gap in the conversation.

It's always fine.

So why do I psych myself out? Why don't I want to have new friends?

Whenever someone wants to do something, I always have an excuse as to why I can't make it. If my boyfriend's going to be there then it's all good. It's the whole being alone with people making conversation thing I just can't seem to handle.

I need to let my fucking guard down.


Robin said...

I'm the same way. It'll be awesome when we meet someday, we'll both be sitting in our cars too afraid to go into the restaurant.

Sarcastica said...

I'm also the same way. I get so nervous, even if there's many people there. I've gotta be 100% comfortable with one person at least to not feel anxious...gawh.

Lol @Robin, that's hilarious ;) If I was there, I'd probably already be inside the restaurant taking the edge off with shots and by the time you too came in I'd be ripped and a lot of fun, you'd relax because I'd be to busy making a fool of myself to make ya both scared ;)